The D Word

Despicable? Despondent?

Yeah, feeling all those too, but I’m talking the “Divorce” word.

…it has started…

I finally gathered up my courage, grew a healthy set of balls, thought of myself and my needs, and talked with The Wife. Actually, it didn’t go down quite that way. I’d set myself a goal of talking to her later in the week, to have the weekend to process and recover. But she walked in and asked, “I’ll ask once and then leave you alone… is there something wrong that you want to talk about?” A brief moment for some prayerful advice and request for strength, and we were off and talking.

Yeah, I’m still struggling with the long term habit of considering other’s feelings over mine. She was calmer than I expected. But, likewise, I obviously hurt her. Yes, she knew something was wrong—and for quite awhile–but not to the depth that I’d be leaving her without “talking it out and trying harder”. So, now, we grapple with the immensity of the divorce ahead of us (hopefully without either one of us feeling screwed over by the other).

Daughter Person and Boy Child notified, again painfully on my part. It was a surprise to neither of them. As expected, Girl Child was more emotional about it; Boy Child more matter of fact and accepting. It will take longer for her to process and resolve the news. But, I know they’ll both be fine in the long run.

Had to share one other tidbit… right after the talk with The Wife, I needed to talk to my brother and sister.

Called my brother first. He expressed his sorrow that I felt I had to come to this decision, but was very supportive and asked what he could do to help me. He offered to listen any time I needed someone to talk to. Then he asked me to pass along his love for The Wife as she goes through this process. Finally, he gave me some words of advice, words of hope, and words of strength to help me.

Called my sister. You may remember her from here . I gave my news. Details were added as the ‘conversation’ went on, but this was the basic extent (with a tiny, but not much, literary license on my part) of her side of the conversation:

“Wow… what is The Wife going to do?… wow… your Girl Child will be very upset by this news… wow… where will The Wife live?… wow… let me know what happens…”

[blink… blink… blink…] Yep…

So, now I struggle some more. I am absolutely convinced I did the right thing for my health and happiness. Yet, I do not like and feel badly for the hurt I have caused with this ‘right’ decision. And there’s this nasty legal process still ahead of me to get to the end of this phase of my life.

BUT… i did it… for me…

So… off to it… off to my new life…


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16 Responses to “The D Word”

  1. nursemyra Says:

    things will probably get tougher before they get better.

    but they will get better


  2. silverstar98121 Says:

    They are all Big People, they will manage. And you will hurt, and they will hurt But eventually you will know what it is like to not be banging your head against the wall anymore.


  3. Stephanie of Stopbouncing Says:

    I think you did a fine job sacrificing yourself (emotionally, physically, mentally) for those 14 years and you deserve to be happy.
    Not saying the happy will come right away, but when it does, that you can tell that doubting voice in the back of your head to “shove it”.

  4. leavingevangeline Says:

    I’m happy for you, that you can re-start your life…and I’m sad for you too…that you will probably (whether you should or not) carry a burden of guilt for awhile….and you may be a little sad too, even though it’s what you want and need.

    I’m glad you have a supportive brother…sorry about your sis though. She seems to be missing a sensitivity chip.

    Aww…I’m having quite the mix of emotions here, and I don’t even really know you! I’m sending cyber hugs your way…

  5. Dolce Says:

    Gnu. Well done. The hardest part is starting the journey. And god, it’s not easy to take a path that you know will hurt people. But the right choice is always the best one in the end.

    I wish you strenght and shite loads of courage over the next while!

  6. Rob Says:


    I read this first thing this morning. Apparently, these latest events you’re writing about are occurring, essentially, in real time?

    I don’t know what to say. I think about some of my comments on your earliers posts – comments made without knowing, or even thinking about really, the full context of your situation or where you were headed.

    When I went out for lunch today one of the cars in the parking lot of my plant had for the first three letters “GNU” and it made me think of you…and your latest revelation.

    Again, I don’t know what to say. I hope everything works out as best as it can for all of the people involved. This is not easy and definitely not fun. But sometimes life is hard, shitty work. There are those who avoid the work and let things slide and those who face up to it and do the work with the hope that tomorrow will be a better day. It seems you are in the latter category.

    Again, all the best to you as you work through this – your life.

    Take care.

  7. UK Says:

    I think starting off with a frank and honest discussion with everyone concerned was the right way to go. I have great admiration for that approach.

  8. thegnukid Says:

    nursemyra – yep…i’ve been warned by a good friend that this will be roller coaster for all of us, parents and kids. i’m fully expecting to have ups and downs multiple times a day. but, that glimmer… it’s not a train coming at me… it’s hope…

    silverstar – yep… Big People… with Big Hurt Feelings… but necessary… and healable. thanks for the *smewch*…

    stopbouncing – yep, i hear that voice and it’s fussing at me loudly. i’m already looking forward to telling it to just shut the fuck up.

    le – yep, mixed emotions. can’t really say i’m ‘happy’ yet (though glad you are for me), but, strengthened by my blog friends, i’ve taken the step to get to ‘happy’. thanks…

    dolce – that first step was a doozy… off the cliff, eyes closed, into the void. hoping the fall won’t be too long. again, with friends and support like you, i’m expecting the landing to come out fine.

    rob – ‘essentially’ real time.. a slight time delay, but effectively so. thanks for the good vibes sent my way. i’ll take it all… vibes, karma, luck, wishes, prayers, etc.

    UK – i knew early on that i had to do it that way. i know some people just up and leave, the sight of the suitcase the first clue. but i had to own up to my decision in order for my own healing process to start. thanks for your comment… it helps…

  9. donstuff Says:

    The near future will likely be confusing, difficult, and lonely, but stay the course and things will get clearer and better.

  10. thegnukid Says:

    donstuff – Welcome to The Wilds… ride the range with us a bit… your words are balm for the soul, as i am counting on exactly that. plan on it being shitty for now, with hope and happiness in the future to come. thanks.

  11. donstuff Says:

    Thanks for the invite – I’ll ride along.

  12. Parenthesis Says:


  13. thegnukid Says:

    donstuff – wonderful… watch the horse apples on the way…

    parenthesis – and back atcha… *hug*

  14. Compare and Contrast « The Wilds of Ohio Says:

    […] my sister’s reaction when I told her I was leaving The […]

  15. Divorce Fallout « The Wilds of Ohio Says:

    […] I first told the Girl and Boy Child that I was leaving their mom, I got reactions that I mostly expected.  The Girl Child was not surprised, but very upset […]

  16. Mixed Emotions « The Wilds of Ohio Says:

    […] a couple times previously, we were not that close.  Her lack of sisterly love for me when I decided to divorce made us even more distant.  Since I told her I was divorcing, we’ve talked on the phone only […]

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