I am emotionally detached from my sister. She seems more like a distant third aunt twice removed, than a sister. Some of that is because she was already a teenager when i showed up as an “oops” child. The rest of the reason? I’m not sure.
There are other things through my life which made me feel detached from her, but the defining moment in my relationship with sis was when my niece, my sister’s only child, got married a few years back. Two events lay etched in my mind—
The first event pissed me off more than it should have, so I’m admitting to some over-sensitivity. Having struggled with being overweight all my life… and at this point in time weighing the most I ever did… I was nonetheless shocked by what happened. After the wedding, when the eleventy-seven pictures were being taken, it was time for the pictures of the bride’s uncles and mom. My sister, always the fussy organizer, was trying to get my brother and me in just the right place for the photo. Just before the picture was taken, she looked at me again and said, none too quietly,
Sister: “Don’t worry, GnuKid, the photographer can photoshop out your double chins.”
Now… smile for the picture, GnuKid. Good thing I’m an actor.
That event teed me up for the quickly following second, which my Boy Child shared with me after the pictures and just before the reception.
It was a small wedding which seemed to have many details left to the last. There were no ushers planned for, so my Boy Child was ‘volunteered’ for duty 10 minutes before the ceremony. A quick instruction was sufficient for him—seat the groom’s family on the right, the bride’s on the left, and ‘leave the first two rows for immediate family, including my sister’s siblings’. After all were seated (the Boy dutifully seating me in the second row), the last in were to be parents of the bride and groom. When my sister came to the door to be escorted in, there was a panicked exchange with Boy Child—
Sister: “What’s GnuKid doing sitting in the second row? That’s for immediate family! You have to re-seat him! Wait… [pause]… that’s right… he’s my brother… he’s my brother… he’s my brother…”.
Funny? Yeah, I can see the humor. But after a life of feeling so distant from her, this just sealed that feeling.
But, she’s family. Do I love her? Yeah… Do I like her? Well… no.
Tags: Family, Miss Congeniality, Miss Sensitivity, relationships, sister
The Wilds of Ohio 
June 27, 2008 at 07:20 |
I’m sure it would have really stung if she’d followed it up with a “he ain’t heavy…” remark.
June 27, 2008 at 15:43 |
Hey gnukid! I can relate somewhat to your story. I come from a large family. I’m the third oldest of seven. Unfortunately, I have very little in common with most…if not all…of my siblings. There has always been a difference of personailty, tastes, interests between me and the rest. And, now as adults, they are all married with children. I’m a single, childless 30-something…and they do NOT understand that concept.
I’ve been shunned, looked-over, gossip about, pitied…the whole gamut. But, in the end, I still love them…and have come to terms with the idea that I don’t have to like them.
I’m sorry you’ve had heartache over your sister. I’m sure you love her very much, but she seems a little insensitive. Maybe someday you will come to understand each other better…or differently. Until then, just think on those that already understand and love you for who you are.
June 27, 2008 at 21:48 |
I am also the oldest of seven, and my youngest sister was born when I was 15. She doesn’t bother me. The ones who bother me are the twins that are ten years younger. I’d like to slap both of them. For different reasons.
I’m the one in my family that is heavy. I look like a changeling in the family pictures, and feel like it too.
My sister of the pair knows how to turn a knife in my heart. Every time.
However I will tell a funny story. There is a precedent in our family of having the family dog in formal pictures. It started when Heinz wouldn’t get out of the picture at a reunion. My service dog is an extension of me in so many ways. So when my brother had his 50th birthday bash, and we were all together for formal pictures, Friday was in the individual picture I had taken. When it came time for the group pictures bitch-sister yelled, “The dog cannot be in the pictures.” I didn’t feel like fighting with her over it at the moment, so Friday is not in the group pictures. Her loss, Friday is the better looking than she is. Even with all the boob jobs and botox she was obviously loaded with for the picture.
June 28, 2008 at 01:18 |
kyknoord – i’m wondering if maybe i was actually left on the doorstep and i’m NOT really her brother… i can only hope…
leavingevangeline – i’m counting on understanding her…differently. i’m not thinking we’re ever going to see eye-to-eye on life. especially when…. well, that’s an upcoming post… but i take comfort in knowing there are others out there like me who don’t quite fit with the family program
silverstar – comparing the dog to the sister? wow… i’m both laughing and amazed. and, sorry for your troubles, but it is good to hear i’m not alone in having a ‘bitch-sister’
June 28, 2008 at 10:38 |
Luckily we get to choose our friends, eh?
June 28, 2008 at 10:48 |
Sheesh… I would have kicked her in the shins. An siblings can be wicked. I had a major work success and phone one of mine hoping to hear some congratulations to which there was a long pause and the advice:”Just make sure that doesn’t turn you into some sort of ego whore.”
Must say that perhaps part of the joy of life is building your new family. A collection of people who really love you for who you are.
June 28, 2008 at 11:47 |
a simple ´Mom really did like me best´ might have felt good at the time… or shin kicking. funny how we revert to the old behaviors even when cleverly disguised as a responsible adult…
June 28, 2008 at 11:52 |
Wow, that’s pretty rotten. The whole family thing is strange at times. Kind of like nationalism at a lower level. We’re born in the same house (or land mass), so we should hold each other in some higher regard than others.
I’m trying to convince my wife to only have one so my son doesn’t have to deal with it. But there are things that would be missed.
June 29, 2008 at 08:31 |
@ctyri – with only one kid, you´ll always know who did it, never get to hear “he´s LOOKING at me” and generally live a life of more peace… hmmm… is it too late for me to send one back?
June 29, 2008 at 09:18 |
parenthesis – amen to that. you can’t even really disown family. just set them aside in a quiet corner hoping they don’t bother you.
mandy – my mouth dropped to the floor at your siblings words of ‘congratulations’ to you. holy crap. surprised you didn’t hang up (a telephonic kicking of the shins. you’re the second one in the last few weeks to mention ‘building a new family’ of people of my own choosing. it sounds like karma is trying to tell me that’s the way to go. make my own family…
daisyfae – beautiful! wish you were whispering that one in my ear at the moment. i wasn’t quick enough being in shock and all. my clever disguise of being a responsible adult has always looked like it was bought off the discount rack at k-mart
ctyri – and we see the same kind of crap going on at the national level. seems the US is always trying to hold other countries up to their standards without consideration of the feelings of that country. and the petty bickering, like daisyfae’s next comment? every day at the UN, every day—Iraq pointing at Iran saying, “he’s LOOKING at me!” yep.
daisyfae – “send one back”… ummm… do you realize the implications of that one? think kangaroo… do you really want him writing on the walls, leaving beer cans in there, etc.?
June 29, 2008 at 10:15 |
good point… it wouldn´t be without a price…
July 1, 2008 at 08:34 |
I gave up loving people I didn’t like years ago. You should try it – very liberating.
July 25, 2008 at 07:13 |
[…] Called my sister. You may remember her from here . I gave my news. Details were added as the ‘conversation’ went on, but this was the basic […]
December 6, 2009 at 11:49 |
[…] I’ve mentioned a couple times previously, we were not that close. Her lack of sisterly love for me when I decided to divorce made us even […]