Compare and Contrast

…from my sister’s reaction when I told her I was leaving The Spouse…

…to a cousin’s, G, reaction, in a hand-written note in her Christmas card to me – – –



I am sorry to say but I cheered when I heard you had left The Spouse.  This is nothing against The Spouse but my desire to see you happy.  The situation was not good for you.

Enjoy life, it is too short to spend with guilt and regrets.  You owe yourself fun and love.


Cousin, G, has had a rocky, yet fulfilling life.  She’s been married three times.  The first ended, after many months of arguing, when her husband shot at her with a pistol.  She claimed she wasn’t frightened and knew he would miss since he’s an expert marksman.  Oooo-kay, then.  Since then, she’s lived her life full tilt, even despite health issues (degenerative neck muscles and breast cancer, to name two).  A failed second marriage, which she dumped out of as soon as she knew it was wrong (instead of waiting like ‘some’ of us do <blush>).  A third marriage which she thought was magical, until it ended tragically with his early death.  Still, there was much to do for herself.  Travel (including a two week hike in the outback of Oz, just before her breast cancer diagnosis), family, career (including getting a local tv show gig where she lives)… it’s all been aimed at her basic question to herself:  “Will this fulfill me in some way and make my life better and happier.” 

So, to get this message of encouragement from such a woman was quite uplifting to my spirits. 

We can’t choose our families (although sometimes we luck out as I did with G).  But, we CAN choose who we have closer relationships with.  

I’m definitely going to keep in better contact with her.  As a matter of fact, I’m writing her as soon as I finish this…

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10 Responses to “Compare and Contrast”

  1. kyknoord Says:

    When I first separated from my ex, the standard reaction from most people was very close to your sister’s. It seems to be the default option.

  2. nursemyra Says:

    most people cheered when I left my husband 🙂

  3. daisyfae Says:

    reaction i got? weren’t you two already divorced? congrats on finding a friendly familial connection! she sounds delightful!

  4. The Unbearable Banishment Says:

    What a pleasant surprise! That exactly the type of message you’d never expect to get when you leave a spouse. Such raw truth is unusual.

  5. Stephanie of Stopbouncing Says:

    aw, see, hope that erases any lingering buyers regret.

  6. silverstar98121 Says:

    It’s always nice to have someone in your corner. My parents had been waiting for the bust-up of my marriage for 20 years. And then my mother had the advice that I should lose a lot of weight and find another man. No, thanks, Mom.

    Good for cousin G. I never would say that someone has made a wrong decision, because I don’t live their lives. Do what you need to.

  7. anniegirl1138 Says:

    It’s always good to have supportive friends and relatives, and sometimes a person can have both in one lifetime.

  8. thegnukid Says:

    kyknoord – i expected it from her family…not from my own. but, live and learn. and move on (and out, in my case).

    nursemyra – see? they care about you and realize you’re doing it for a good reason. glad you had support, nm.

    daisyfae – going to try and foster that connection with my cousin. and laughin’ at the reaction you got…

    t.u.b. – i was very happily surprised, thus the post. and G is known for being blunt and giving the raw truth, so all the better for me.

    stephanie – nah, have not yet experienced a lick of buyers regret for deciding to divorce. just sadness at the lack of support from my sibling.

    silverstar – ouch! mom is not tactful nor considerate of you, is she? and from the sounds of prior posts, you had every reason to skedaddle that marriage. good for you.

    annie – i am feeling blessed…i definitely have friends who are supportive. and a couple family members. it could’ve been much worse. i’ll take what i can.

  9. leavingevangeline Says:

    Very, very nice! I’m glad you have a supportive cousin….and she sounds awesome…like a lady I’d love to know. I bet there are a lot of people that are grateful to have her as a friend!

  10. thegnukid Says:

    evangeline – and she’s related to me. go figure. random mutation, maybe?

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