Posts Tagged ‘taking the leap’

The D Word

July 25, 2008

Despicable? Despondent?

Yeah, feeling all those too, but I’m talking the “Divorce” word.

…it has started…

I finally gathered up my courage, grew a healthy set of balls, thought of myself and my needs, and talked with The Wife. Actually, it didn’t go down quite that way. I’d set myself a goal of talking to her later in the week, to have the weekend to process and recover. But she walked in and asked, “I’ll ask once and then leave you alone… is there something wrong that you want to talk about?” A brief moment for some prayerful advice and request for strength, and we were off and talking.

Yeah, I’m still struggling with the long term habit of considering other’s feelings over mine. She was calmer than I expected. But, likewise, I obviously hurt her. Yes, she knew something was wrong—and for quite awhile–but not to the depth that I’d be leaving her without “talking it out and trying harder”. So, now, we grapple with the immensity of the divorce ahead of us (hopefully without either one of us feeling screwed over by the other).

Daughter Person and Boy Child notified, again painfully on my part. It was a surprise to neither of them. As expected, Girl Child was more emotional about it; Boy Child more matter of fact and accepting. It will take longer for her to process and resolve the news. But, I know they’ll both be fine in the long run.

Had to share one other tidbit… right after the talk with The Wife, I needed to talk to my brother and sister.

Called my brother first. He expressed his sorrow that I felt I had to come to this decision, but was very supportive and asked what he could do to help me. He offered to listen any time I needed someone to talk to. Then he asked me to pass along his love for The Wife as she goes through this process. Finally, he gave me some words of advice, words of hope, and words of strength to help me.

Called my sister. You may remember her from here . I gave my news. Details were added as the ‘conversation’ went on, but this was the basic extent (with a tiny, but not much, literary license on my part) of her side of the conversation:

“Wow… what is The Wife going to do?… wow… your Girl Child will be very upset by this news… wow… where will The Wife live?… wow… let me know what happens…”

[blink… blink… blink…] Yep…

So, now I struggle some more. I am absolutely convinced I did the right thing for my health and happiness. Yet, I do not like and feel badly for the hurt I have caused with this ‘right’ decision. And there’s this nasty legal process still ahead of me to get to the end of this phase of my life.

BUT… i did it… for me…

So… off to it… off to my new life…