Big D, little d

I’m learning much more about the legal system in the Wilds of Ohio than I’d ever intended, especially with respect to Divorce. Not that I haven’t dealt with blood sucking, money grubbing leech attorneys before (remind me to tell you that story sometime… *)

So I thought I’d share the process, both as an educational thing and to help me better understand it myself. I’m one of those people that learns better writing things down… often requiring numerous times doing so to really sink in.

The end result of a Big D—Divorce–or a little d—dissolution—is the same. The marriage is terminated and both now-ex-spouses are free to go their own ways. So why the different approaches?

With a Big D, each party** claims what they want out of the marital assets and the lawyers duke it out Mike Tyson-style in their smoke-filled offices and, ultimately, in the court room. Any disagreements in what asset goes to who results in countless hours of paperwork flying back and forth (which, with lawyers, immediately translates into money). If the disagreements are big and no one is willing to compromise, this can go on for quite some time and drain the bank account. Often, with smaller kids, you have no choice but to go the Divorce route.

So, what if both spouses (spice?) can agree up front? That’s the little d – – dissolution.

In a dissolution, both parties sit down like adults and compromise over each asset owned. Lawyers are not even actually required if you feel comfortable doing legal paperwork yourself. You list out all agreements, take them to court, and, when it’s your turn in front of the judge, he asks both husband and wife if they agree to the split of assets and to the termination of the marriage. With affirmatives on all questions from all parties, the dissolution… and the marriage… is done. Much quicker and, theoretically, much cheaper.

But, comma, if you pursue a dissolution and both adults (sic) cannot agree, it can go on interminably and painfully (and, if still supported by lawyers, costly). I’ve heard from friends and acquaintances on both ends of the spectrum… two of whom finished up in just a matter of weeks, while one is in the third year of their dissolution process.

Still, I’d like The Wife and I to avoid the Big D and work out a little d agreement. It will require compromise on my part and hers. That becomes an emotional issue, so, therefore, I’m not hopeful.

Cross your fingers or other body parts for me that we can work out a little d…


On the really plus side? I went dancing tonight… my Native American name is “White Boy Dancing”, but i went to a local restaurant that had Latin dancing and danced… happily, smiling, lost in the moment, and, honestly?, not all that bad… there is hope, irrespective of the what i said in this post… there is hope. I. Had. A. GREAT. time. [Big smile]

* And, no, I did not mean for you to immediately put in your comment below, “Hey, GnuKid, tell us that other attorney story…”. Yeah, I’m a spoilsport.

** I’m a little intrigued about use of the word “party” or “parties” when referring to the affiant and defendant in legal matters. It sort of implies that it’s a good thing–with hats, balloons, jello shots, dancing, ice cream, and maybe even a clown. In reality? It’s a bummer. Not a party at all.

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10 Responses to “Big D, little d”

  1. leavingevangeline Says:

    You had me at jello shots…and lost me at clown. *Shudder*

    I have nothing to say about Big D’s (a city in TX I hear) or Little d’s. Except to say that I hope everything is smooth and as easy as a “D” or “d” can be.

    Who knew that talking about double d’s could be anything but awesome?

  2. Rob Says:

    Hey Gnukid, tell us that other attorney story!

    “White Boy Dancing”…well, it’s better than “Broken Rubber” or “Two Dogs Fucking”. Not by much, mind you, but better.


  3. anniegirl1138 Says:

    Well, I hope that it’s little d with even less drama. Remember, it’s only stuff.

  4. Dolce Says:

    “d”s can be good too! DD Decolatage. Dolce. Decdence. Delicious Donuts. Deep Purple. Devilish laughter. And as you’ve Discovered, Dancing.

    So I hope these d’s, whatever their size, are over soon, so you can Ddelve into the new ones!

  5. kyknoord Says:

    ** I think the term comes from that phrase, “A fool and his money are some party”.

  6. silverstar98121 Says:

    When the ex and I split, we had so few assets that all we fought over were the household tools and the camping equipment. I made him give me half the tools back, Washington being a community property state, and “let” him have the camping equipment after I realized that he had picked it all out, and it was all crap. I also got the debts. But I got to buy my own camping equipment, which was much better than his, and spend a lot of the next several summers out in the “wilderness” with my dog, in state and national parks, camped next to the restrooms. I hope your outcome is equally good.

  7. nursemyra Says:

    I had a little d after 20 years of marriage. and my ex and I have managed to stay on reasonably friendly terms. it helped that we didn’t do the D thing until 6 years after the separation I think

  8. Parenthesis Says:

    I thought white men couldn’t dance? 😉 I have to second Dolce’s comment though, well said. May I add Decadence, delight, devotion however, and wish you all these good things as well?

  9. thegnukid Says:

    le – then let’s stick with the jello shots…”watch one, do one, teach one”. i knew i’d get some angst from the clown idea. i’m sure they’re evil, but in a fun way.

    rob – [smilin’] you were in the top three of the ones i expected to take that bait. you’ll get the story along with everyone else…later. and, oh, i see you’ve met my brothers…

    anniegirl – yep… only stuff. it’s much more an emotional issue for me than logical. i don’t really need “stuff”, so i’ll be fine.

    dolce – delightfully dastardly, Dolce, you doll. i will look forward to more… but one step at a time…

    kyknoord – well i am some fool, so let the party begin and i can prove it! won’t be able to afford it, but at that point won’t care a rat’s ass

    silverstar – [laughin’] i’m thinking you could teach me a lot about the process. brilliant… when the student is ready, the master appears…

    nursemyra – if for nothing other than the kids, i’d like to stay amicable. we’ll see how that works. compromise will be difficult with the financial emotions flying…

    parenthesis – no, white men can’t, but we can occasionally pretend if there’s massive alcohol involved. and thank you for the added wishes… i’m liking that delight one a lot… especially if derived from decadence…

  10. Parenthesis Says:

    or debauchery …. ? 😉

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