Posts Tagged ‘Twit’

The Pets

September 19, 2008

I like animals and have had pets most of my life, mostly cats.

Fish are okay, if a bit boring. But, they do make do in a pinch if the pizza shows up without anchovies.

Birds? I’d be afraid of what words they’d end up repeating at an inopportune time… say, if I’m with Sally and the bird starts hollering, “Yes, Betty. Oh, gawd, yes!”

I like dogs a lot, but never really learned how to train them up.

I do miss not having a slobbering, devoted beast looking up at me with adoring eyes… but enough about my ex-girlfriend.

Cats? Yeah, they do whatever the hell they damn well please and don’t show a hint of devotion to you. But cats can be litter trained easily. And a weekend trip does not require boarding your cat. With a dog, you have to send him to doggie jail at Bowwow-catraz. With a cat? Slam a bag of dry cat food in a bowl, put down enough water to last the weekend, and leave. Cats likely like to have the place to themselves anyway – – – dipping into their secret stash of catnip, browsing kitty porn sites, climbing up on the places they’re not usually allowed, calling their cat buddies over to play “hide the mousie” and other disturbing things best not shared in such a public forum.

I have two cats. Well, I guess they could be two mute, cantankerous little people in furry suits, but nonetheless…

The Diva, the female calico, is the queen of the house. All others residing there are merely servants to do her bidding and attend to her needs. Her favorite way to show you who’s in charge is to come up to you and demand to be petted. But, as soon as you lean down to pet her, she’ll walk away to another part of the room and look back at you with that “Well? Are you coming?” look. And, of course, if you do follow, she’ll repeat the process until, after three or four moves, she’s moved you to the spot she wanted in the first place.* The Diva also has very expressive meows. Girl Child’s and my favorite are the ones that sound like “Now!” and “Not Now!”, both seemingly used at the most appropriate moments.

The Twit, a male orange tabby, is the court jester of the home. Besides torturing The Diva (which always draws a swat in rebuke), his favorite thing to do is just get into wherever he’s not supposed to be or wanted (most often, for me, right in front of the computer monitor as I’m trying to type or just as I get to that critical part of a computer game that demands my full attention). The Twit is also noted for laying on the back of the couch and, all of a sudden and for no apparent reason, splaying all four legs out and sinking all four sets of claws in the couch. Girl Child comments when this happens, “Oh dear, The Twit’s world has gone off kilter again. He’s holding on for dear life.”

Ahh, but with both of them, when they’re snuggled with you and purring… my heart rate slows, my blood pressure drops, and there is, for the moment, peace…

…wonder who’ll get the cats in the Divorce…

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*I’ve known some women who are like this as well…