I spent over 5 minutes quietly ranting at a rabbit Monday night.
Okay, it wasn’t a real rabbit. It was a white and blue porcelain rabbit.
And it held the cremated remains (cremains!) of my sister.
The memorial service wasn’t really a service, but more of a remembrance of my sister for her local friends. Given the quick scheduling of the event, there were only 5 family members who could attend, me being one of them.
The remembrance was held in the chapel. The cremains and two pictures of my sister were at the front. People who wished stood up and gave a story or two remembering my sister.
The stories told were mysteries to me. The type of woman described was unknown to me. I had no clue who this woman was. She never let me in. Even when I asked to be let in…to come visit in her waning months…she refused. Phone conversations, what few there were, tended to the superficial.
When the remembrance was over, my brother-in-law invited all the folks back to a side room in the funeral home to reminisce and chat a bit more.
And once they were all gone, I had my chance to go to the front of the chapel and finally really say “Goodbye” to my sister.
But I just stared at the rabbit. Words wouldn’t come. I stared some more. It hit me — here I am, a grown man, staring at a porcelain rabbit.
And I slowly let loose with what was on my mind. As I said, quietly. People were still in the hallway outside the chapel. I spoke in a whisper…through gritted teeth.
I ranted at her. I asked her why she treated me, her own brother, so poorly. I asked why she was a better sister to my ex- than she was to me. I asked why she was a better friend to all those in the room who were strangers to me, than she was to me.
And, of course, she didn’t answer.
So, I left it at “Goodbye”.
And still feel unsatisfied.
This will take awhile.
But, hey…how many people can say they’ve ranted at a rabbit?
no carrots for you!
The Wilds of Ohio 