I was invited to attend our good town’s Women’s League scholarship luncheon this weekend. My theater friend, DK, a member of said league, pulled on the heartstrings with the “it’s for a good cause” invite.
I know what that the Women’s League does charitable things…this one being for a scholarship fund to help kids get to university. But, I get caught up with that name… “Women’s League”. Hearing that, I find myself drifting off to thoughts of female superheroes with impossible, yet luscious, body dimensions clad in skin-tight spandex costumes… of course, I immediately said, “YES! I’ll go!!”
i'd be evil if they'd be the ones subduing me
Okay, honestly, I was expecting to feel out of place, fully anticipating I would be the only man in attendance. To help? A recently procured hip flask filled with 16 year old Scotch to aid in my afternoon enjoyment. Turns out I didn’t really need it… not that that prevented me from freely imbibing. But, I was one of only about 10 men there.
DK had reserved a table for 8 of us. I was the only man at the table and gladly told the ladies sitting there that I was their date for the afternoon. One of them quickly pointed out that they were my harem…ah, if only!
Several of my friends were there suggesting that this would be an excellent opportunity to scout out a date opportunity…or eleven…even though a large part of the female population there were just a tad (read: “significantly”) past retirement age. I was counseled to freely mingle and–if I brought up such scintillating topics as sewing, gardening, and osteoporosis*?–I’d be awash in women longing to spend time with me.
After an ‘okay’ lunch**, the entertainment was a local middle school chorus. The kids were cute and talented. Had one cringe moment, though, when a girl with a beautiful voice sang a solo. But, she had a lisp. Wouldn’t have been awfully noticeable if the first line of the song wasn’t, “Sing out strong with one voice!”
The scholarship portion was a raffle for gift baskets. I, of course, focused on those having an alcoholic theme… or food… especially chocolate. I was lucky enough to win the “Margarita Basket”–margarita mix, salt, glasses, chips, salsa… wheee!!! Even more cool? Out of some 25 tables, with 8 to 10 people each, raffling for some 30 gift baskets… our table garnered 5 of the gift baskets. This included my good friend winning the grand prize–a champagne bucket with a magnum of champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries, a jazz CD, and other stuff.
The day turned out pretty nice.
Now, I’m sure after reading one of my recent posts, so closely followed by this one, some of my readers are starting to question just what the hell is going on with me…am I really turning into a woman? Well, hell if I know…so much has been changing for me over the last 6 months, what’s one more change. But, there is one thing I can guarantee…
If I turn into a woman, I’m definitely going to be a lesbian.
…just love being with women too much…
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*my good friend in attendance, who at times can tend to be a bit more on the bawdy side, suggested I talk about osteoporosis and slip in the line, “Boniva? Yeah, baby, I’ve got your Boniva right here” [pointing at my crotch]. I’m so glad she’s helping me meet women… [chuckle]
**functions like these are hit-or-miss for the food quality…ranging from “these people should open their own restaurant!” to “ugh…another ‘rubber chicken’ meal”
The Wilds of Ohio 