2010 Combobulated

After a year of lots of bumps (yes, balanced by some happy times), I think I’m ready to make some changes in my attitude this coming year.

So, I’ve decided to delete the “dis” from my life…

I intend to have a -combobulated 2010, definitely.  I’ll also look forward to being -illusioned, -pirited, -jointed, and, clearly, want to be -tracted.  It’s about time I was -mayed and -appointed by things happening to me.  I’ll surely be -couraged and -turbed.  Without that “dis”, wouldn’t we all like to be -concerted, -arrayed, and, of course, -gruntled by life in 2010.

And while I’m at it, I  think I’ll get rid of the “per”, as well.  I’ll be happy to be -turbed and -plexed this year.

May as well lop off the “be” in 2010, too.  If I have a chance for a life of -wilderment, that would be great.  I can be -fuddled, -mused, and, with a smile, -deviled.

But, I will draw the line at eschewing the “de-“ this year.

I’m not thinking I’m ready to stop being deranged and demented.

Yee HA!!!

Advertisement

CI Homage 20Feb09

Otto obstinately drew a line in the sand.

Not surprisingly, Constance stepped across that line.  And, as usual, did so with her typical sneer of presumed superiority in her impending obfuscation.

“Justify yourself!”, she screamed.

Otto complied grudgingly, spreading himself evenly across what he could only presume would be the last page of this chapter of his life.

Constance’ triumphant glare was cut short when a crashing wave of reality washed away the line in the sand…making the whole argument pointless.

Double Puntendre

Yes, of late I have been paying Friday homage to Mrs. B. and her slumbering “Column Inch“.

No, I will NOT count this as an homage.  Mostly because I suspect that it won’t be received well.  But it’s mine.  And I had fun coming up with it.  And, therefore, wanted to share.

But, consider yourself forewarned.  If you do not like random grammarama or poor punnage, stop reading now.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

“Hello, transom!”, Constance faux pas’d nervously as Nick dropped through the skylight.  She had not defenestrated in over a month and suspected herself expectant.

Nick pondered the mullioned possible reasons for the gravid demeanor of Constance.  Staring Constance in the eyes, the windows of the soul, he guessed his first inclination true.  “Gestate the obvious,” Nick hissed.

“It panes me,” whispered Constance, “to tell you your dormer mate (who was delightfully double hung) recently palladian with my heart and body…. and I now find myself fecund to none.”

Nick, had every right to show his jalousie, but could not picture himself without her.  He surprisingly said, “Awning to the fact you are my wife, I forgive you.”

They’re BACK!

Just when you thought it was safe… they’re baaa-ack!

Yes, another Sciuridae attack.  As I have reported before, this is a chronic and heinous pattern of crime sprees by these squirrelish rodentia!  This time, it was innocent young children!!  When will the horror end?  The CNN report is below.  FLAMES this time!

When Squirrels Attack!

(image stolen from a Flickr Site)

There have been efforts by vigilantes that have had some success.  But, with the new administration starting at full speed today, surely they will put this as a highest priority.  Write your Congressperson NOW!  Think of the children!

And seek out their leader, U.K.  Seek him out, hunt him down, and teach him a squirrelly lesson he’ll never forget!

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Firefighters: Flaming Squirrel To Blame In Jones Wildfire

Students Moved From Elementary To High School

POSTED: 11:16 am CST January 21, 2009
UPDATED: 1:41 pm CST January 21, 2009

JONES, Okla. — A squirrel caught fire, sparking a blaze Wednesday
morning that resulted in the evacuation of an elementary school in
Jones, fire officials said.

Wildfire Forces School Evacuation
Raw Video: Jones Wildfire
Crews Battle Wildfire In NW OKC

Investigators said the squirrel touched two power lines at the same time
and fell to the ground near Britton and Hiawassee roads.

That fire burned 5 acres in the Jones area, forcing the evacuation of
the elementary school. Those students were taken to Jones High School.

School officials said the students would be kept at the high school for
the rest of the day. Parents will be able to pick them up at the normal
time, although some parents have already come to the school to pick up
kids.

Several trailers burned in the fire. However, there were no known
reports of injuries.

Stay tuned to KOCO.com for any further details.

CI Homage Deux

“You’re dripping all over the carpet,” tut-tutted April petulantly, moving ever so slightly on the chaise, “That shade of crimson clashes so with the mauve in the carpet.”

Otto flashed her a disarming smile, “The chainsaw jammed again. Dinner soon?”

CI Homage

I didn’t write down my New Year’s resolutions. Didn’t really make a list, per se, like you’re supposed to do. More like a mental mish-mash of stuff I’d like to accomplish in the coming year. One of these is to stretch my creativity–or absurdity–in thinking and writing.

Thus, this homage. Defined as: something that shows respect or attests to the worth or influence of another.  At least I hope it will be taken as homage.

I miss Mrs. Benitez and her weekly “Column Inch”. It was witty and bent your brain just a bit to grasp. We all need some of that in our lives. A twist to make us go “Baroo?” and stop seeing the world in the same old way.

I’ve no clue if Mrs. B. will be back. I hope so.  But I wanted one of those creative absurd things I try to be something along the lines of her posts. I can only hope one day to attain her skill and adept cacophony of verbage. I’ll get into my own rhythm and personalize it as time goes. But here is a humble first offering of “An Homage to the Column Inch” – – –

=-=-=-=-=-=

 

“Toss me the plunger,” pleaded Alice, knee deep in pensive thought, “I need to rehyphenate the toilet.”

Dusty rose from the faux fox settee, adjusted his bandana rakishly over his good eye, and attempted to glare at Otto, who was busily counting his half-pfennig collection.

“Silly twit,” Dusty thought dismissively, “Anyone knows you need a Fletcher’s Shaft to fix that leaky flapper.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sigh

Didja ever set out to do something efficiently and effectively, but end up with a total bollixed time?

Yep, that was me today…

While presumably working hard at my job, i had to take a break to make a call to the furnace repair folks. Over the last week or so, the temperatures in The Wilds of Ohio have been a bit on the nippy side. Not really cold, mind you. just a bit brisk.

And I have learned over those cold days that my new condo is as cold as a witches tit refrigerator when the mercury dips.

Now, the likely reason is that I still don’t have curtains up (hey…I’m a guy…what do I know? ) and the windows leak like a sieve. Or, it could be that when the lady who sold me the place left, she went up in the attic and removed all the insulation. Who knows? But I needed to check all options.

I’d noticed that the vents seemed to blowing cold-ish air, yet my gas bill was painful last month. Need to get the furnace checked.

When I called the furnace people, I was pleasantly surprised when they said they could get to me today* and would call when the guy was on the way. I gave them my cell phone number to make that call.

Double checked my pocket and …no cell phone.

[sigh]

Expecting other important calls on the cell phone (e.g., the divorce lawyer), I scurried home** to get it. Headed back to work and, just before getting back to the office, saw that I missed a call from the furnace people (radio playing too loud?). Checked the voice mail and they said the technician guy was on the way to my condo. Great! Turned around and headed home to meet him there.

Once on the way home, I called the furnace people to confirm I’d be there soon…only to be told that, since I didn’t reply immediately, they went to the next on the list. They would call another time.  

[sigh]

Decided, since mostly home, to go home, take an early lunch, and call a lady who had a delivery for me (I’d won a silent auction and had to pay off…for charity and all). She said she could drop off my ‘prize’ right away. Not too long a wait for her. After she dropped it off and I paid, I decided (you can already see this is going to go poorly…) to take my lunch back to the office and work through lunch, fully expecting the furnace people to call later in the afternoon.

Got to the office, took off my coat…and…(wait for it)…the furnace people called. The technician was on the way.

[sigh]

Went home…and waited 45 minutes of the 20 minutes promised for the guy to show.

He finally arrived and did a thorough—if a bit time consuming–job.

Needless to say…(and not wanting to be accused of being Dip Top-esque in handling my time card)…I felt it necessary to take a couple of my personal hour vacation time to make up for it.

So much for being efficient and effective…

…and holding my breath that the minor repairs he made will fix the heating issue.

[sigh]

=-=-=-=-=-=-=
*Like most “services” for repair of home and automobile, there is a deserved expectation of having to wait days, if not weeks, to get an appointment.

**One of the buying points for this condo was that it’s closer to work for me. Only about 10 minutes average. Cut some 15 minutes of drive time each way and each day.