Posts Tagged ‘promise broken’

Trust, But Verify

May 15, 2009

When last we left our hero, promises were made between The Spouse and myself.  She agreed to sign the divorce decree while I agreed to work the insurance papers.  Additionally, we acknowledged that these were separate, distinct actions.

My job was to fill out papers with my information, plus schedule a physical exam (at insurance expense).  Because of being busy at work…and not being overly invested in getting the insurance…I didn’t get around to working my part until four days after our discussion.  The paperwork was simplistic (date and place of birth, pre-existing issues, et al).  But the insurance folks wouldn’t schedule the physical exam until they had the paperwork AND a two month premium down payment.

That latter required the Spousal Unti to decide just how much insurance she needed on me*, as the premium amount was tied to the coverage amount.

I called her on the phone, prefacing the conversation that I had started the insurance process, but couldn’t continue without her assistance (and money).

Then a little Ronald Reagan history lesson popped in my head – “Trust, But Verify”  <link here:,_but_Verify&gt;

GnuKid:  “…by the way, you signed the divorce decree, right?”

Spousal Unit:  “No.**”

GK:  <through gritted teeth> “Why not?”

SU:  “I was waiting on you to finish the insurance before I signed.”

Seething outrage.

I told her this was absolutely unacceptable, given our prior promises made just a few days before.  I reminded her of the agreement made and pointed out that I WAS working the insurance.  I went on to say she would have to, from here out, deal with my lawyer.

She started defending herself, but I cut her off with, “You’ll have to tell that to my lawyer.  Goodbye…”

As I was reaching to the call disconnect button, I heard her say, “Well, if you PROMISE…”


I hung up.  Angry.  I DID promise four days prior.  My lead in to the conversation confirmed I was working it!


Now the damn lawyers are back in it…more money down the drain.

But, comma, I will NOT be manipulated like that by her…


*…and, recall, she has NEVER actually sat down and honestly determined what she needs—not ‘wants’ emotionally, but actually needs.

**The speed and ease in her response struck me as confrontational and proud.  This just fueled my anger.