Inaugural Observations

happy man, happy country (AP Photo)

Barack Obama.

He’s our new President.  Officially official.

The folks in the office took over one of the conference rooms and rigged the TV to play through the projector so that we could watch.  I’m sure there’ll be tons of blog posts about this day, but why should I let that stop me from doing so as well?  Many will reek of commentary and editorial, often leaning far right or far left.  This will be just some observations, with only minor editorial comment.

–  I think President Bush was looking awfully relieved to be giving up the office.

–  All the big guests were introduced by their full names, e.g., George Walker Bush and William Jefferson Clinton.  So why was President Obama introduced as Barack H. Obama?  His middle name is Hussein… let’s get over it people.

o   Ahhh, but he did take the oath of office using his full name.  Good!

–  The pastor giving the invocation was too damned long winded.

–  Aretha Franklin was introduced to sing a musical number.  I suggested to my office mates…and not to their pleasure… that it would be “R-E-S-P-E-C-T”.

–  She did sing “My Country ‘Tis Of Thee”.  As many famous singers do, she gave it her own twist on phrasing the words around the music.  However, what I heard when she started out?  “My Count…….try ‘tis of thee…”.  A rather unfortunate delay there, Aretha.

–  Loved the musical number with Itzhak Perlman, Yo-Yo Ma, and others.  Impressed they could keep the instruments in tune in that frigid cold wind.

–  I liked that President Obama stumbled a bit on the oath of office.  He’s a real person!  He’s human!

–  On the briefing screen through our work cheap-ass projector?  President Obama looks green.  Or maybe he was just a bit woozy from that kick ass throw down kegger party the night before.

–  I am proud that my fellow countrymen…and me… elected this man.  Me!  A lifelong moderate Republican.  And happy that I did vote for him.

–  I heard shades of “New Deal, 21st century version”

–  I’m guessing all my engineer and scientist friends must have been geek-a-rific thrilled that Obama mentioned a refocus on science and technology.  Yeah, it was just a mention.  But in political speeches, that’s all it takes to show an administration’s intent.

–  I especially pray that the plentiful idiots in this country will let this man have a chance to govern.  I’m not just talking about the hate groups who have and will continue to threaten his life.  I’m also talking about the political twits who will want to either block him from doing his job or try to impose their own political will, slowing down the process.  Let. The. Man. Lead.

–  I am very heartened for this country’s future!

And now, President Obama?  Off to work.  You certainly have a shitload of it ahead of you.

Addenda:  …and I just saw the CNN web site where it says that Obama inspires Ashton Kucher and Demi Moore… I couldn’t give less than a rat’s ass about them.  Obama is here to inspire a nation, not the self-indulgent prima dons and donnas who think they speak for the people.  Inspire the people themselves, Obama!  (okay, I guess I did get into a bit of editorializing there… this just pisses me off that overpaid and pretentious actors have such sway on our thinking).

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Must Share Economics

Those following the news know that the US is having a teensy little economic issue. So much so that President George “WTF am I doing” Bush came on TV last night hollering ‘The sky is falling! The sky is falling!”. Actually, he was trying to rally support for a $700 Billion bailout of our financial institutions, including an $85 Billion buyout of insurance/mortgage giant AIG. There’s been much grumbling here in The Wilds about the lunacy of this approach. Why are we working so hard to fix a private firm when there are so many in poverty that seem to be ignored.

Lo and behold, the next day in the e-mail box was an ‘alternative’ recovery plan that I thought was too good not to pass along… it is brilliant in its simplicity. It has more PROS than CONS. So, clearly, our Congress would reject it outright. Such a pity…

I have no idea who this guy is that originated the plan, so can’t give him his ‘props’. But, if you’re out there… I’d vote for you.

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The Birk Economic Recovery Plan

Hi Pals,

I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bona fide U.S. Citizens 18+.

Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child.

So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.

So… divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon. That equals $425,000.00.

 

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free.

So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%.

Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.

That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.

A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

* Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.

* Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads.

* Put away money for college – it’ll be there.

* Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

* Buy a new car – create jobs.

* Invest in the market – capital drives growth.

* Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves.

* Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else.

Remember this is for EVERY adult U S Citizen 18+ –

including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers, and every other company that is cutting back.

And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…

instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 (“vote buy”) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

 

As for AIG – liquidate it.

Sell off its parts.

Let American General go back to being American General.

Sell off the real estate.

Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.

Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.”

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

 

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC .

And remember…

The Birk Plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ah-h-h… I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Kindest personal regards,

Birk

T. J. Birkenmeier,

A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic

P.S. Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it’s either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how best to use $85 BILLION!

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Editor’s Addendum:  Yeah, don’t i feel like the foolish shit for not doing the math ahead of time.  I just thought it was so cool when i read it.  And, believe it or not, i’m typically the guy who calls bullshit and researches the Snopes site when people send me stupid “The Dog Ate My Grandmother” warnings.  Then to go and say I”d vote for him?  [heavy sigh]  Mea Culpa… i guess i am just the typical American voter… voting on emotions instead of intellect.  Dumb fuck.  But, nonetheless, I DO truly believe the money should come to the people and not the corporations.  So, ultimately, no apologies… but I still admit I’m a twit…  [blush

And, yep, lots of other folks had the same idea (and better math)….

Our Electoral Process

As we U.S.-ians…U.S.-ites?… gather later this month to select Presidential candidates to select from… I offer the following public service to my fellow Blog-lings…Blog-ettes?… and will venture to explain, briefly and succinctly, the American electoral process. Or at least I’ll do my best – – –

This is a highly complex issue which is typically beyond the normal mortal’s understanding, but being I’ve already assured myself that none of you visiting my blog are ‘normal’, I feel safe in continuing.

Presidential nominees are chosen through intense analytical study by several unpleasant 5^th grade children who examine the tides, the World Cup schedule, summer TV reruns, vacation plans of Oprah (to accommodate), vacation plans of everyone else (to screw up), and skewed results of throwing defective darts at a collage of photographs of political contenders.

These are all added together, divided by pi (filled with strawberries and using 3.14159 as an approximation), corpusculated using imaginary numbers (e.g., eleventeen), then hamstrung and hung to dry @ 350 degrees for 2 ½ hours, basted with a light wine sauce, then planted in even rows 12” to 15” apart using the 99.5% confidence variability rule of the Geneva Convention on cruel and unusual warfare. At that point, whoever has the most money wins the nomination.

Any further assistance I can give in understanding this arcane and mysterious logic would likely require me to delve into fantasy and science fiction. It wouldn’t be pretty.

Thank you for your attention and I hope this clears it up once and for all.