Posts Tagged ‘Omphaloskepsis’

Baselining Capabilities

June 17, 2009

Well…so here I am…divorced.

There’s not really a hurry, but I am thinking about dating.  At least finding some more of the opposite sex to hang out with and do things with—yeah, hopefully including a bit more intimacy.  And, no, honestly, this is not the first I’ve been thinking on this.  It’s been on my mind for quite awhile.  I already do have friends I hang out with, female and male.  Just expanding my horizons a bit, if you will, for more intimate partners in life’s explorations.

So, I’m doing a bit of introspective thought on myself, trying to gauge how to go forward with this dating thing.  And I’ve come up with the following facts (really happened) and potential fiction (could happen, might not).

This is my first time really living alone.   I had a single room in the dormitory at university, but that’s not totally living alone (shared bathrooms, cafeteria eating, etc.).   Between graduation from university and getting married, I sort of lived alone for two months.   But, given I was looking to the marriage and being inundated with a new job, I didn’t really feel like I was living alone.  Now—I am living alone.   It’s all up to me.

When I was in high school, I was a bit overweight—not the fat kid everyone made fun of, but enough so that it gave me self image issues.  Couple that with (or becoming because of?) being painfully shy* and you got someone who never really dated much.  Two semi-steady girlfriends in high school and one steady girlfriend, who I ended up marrying, at university.   So, it’s not that I’m out of practice in dating.  No, more so that I never really learned to date.  And, looking inward, I still see that inexperienced teenager lurking and whispering to the adult me** who is starting into this dating thing.

Now, on the plus side, many of the women my age who are dating are widows or divorced.  As such, they, too, are out of practice in dating***.  Couple all this with 25-35 years of life experience granting (some of) us more wisdom, the basic rules I vaguely knew in high school no longer apply.  And, for now, how to go forward is as yet unknowable to me.   I will be making this up as I go forward.

That said, and in keeping with my promised to myself to try new things, I will date.

I will make mistakes…not maybe, not likely, WILL.  I will have to be patient with my own mistakes.  Likewise, I will have to be patient with others.

I will, without meaning to, occasionally hurt others.  And, likewise, can expect to be hurt.

I must accept that I will be rejected.  And, I must learn to reject, graciously, those who are not right for me.

Whew…… This will be a grand experiment.

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*Actually found out later that many people didn’t see me as shy, rather as stuck up.  Go figure…

**”adult me” – HA! please forgive the exaggeration

***I’ve already recognized…and seen personally…the danger here as some of these same women are desperately looking to not be alone and want deep and sincere commitment early.  As my best friend so eloquently put it, they have the “It’s our second date, where should I put my furniture” syndrome.