Posts Tagged ‘education’

The Eyes Have It

December 31, 2008

Last night I joined some of my theater and work peeps at the local drinkery.  A few new (gnu?) faces there, including one young guy who was home from University and, as a theater type, was invited along by my friend DK.

After mumblety drinks in a short time span, we were soon quite toasted happy and, as often happens then, conversations go in strange and wondrous directions.

Aside from two of the geekier members of the party having a race to see who could use their iPhone fastest to Google “Rusty Trombone” and “Cleveland Steamer” and “Dirty Sanchez”, one of the seven simultaneous conversations revolved around the relative creepiness of cows and goats. 

 We always often on occasion buy appetizers to share around the table* and one of the better (a very close second to the curry fries) is the goat cheese spread with pita bread.  Gooey, gloppy, warm goodness that goes with just about** any beer served there.  Talk of goats led the young guy to start off on the cows v. goats tirade.  When offered some of the goat cheese, he declined, claiming that goats were evil hell spawn, and would stick with cheese from its ‘proper’ source – cows.


Young Guy (YG):  Well yeah… look, who worships cows?  Hindus.  They’re good and peaceful people.  So the cow must be good and peaceful.  Now, who uses goats in their worship?  Satanists!  Goats equate to evil and meanness.  And, if you need more proof?  Look at the eyes of the cow and the goat…  when you look in a cow’s eyes, you see this peaceful, calming gaze returned to you.  Now, look in the eyes of the goat… you can almost feel him plotting to hurt you.  You can see the fire and brimstone lurking there.  Therefore, any product from that animal…like goat cheese…must be evil and wicked as well.  Part of Satan’s sinister plot to fatten the world***.  I won’t eat goat cheese!

 Much laughter ensued through the whole thing.  But it got us thinking…


safe and peaceful

safe and peaceful






evil lurks here

evil lurks here

 Makes you wonder just what they’re teaching at University nowadays…

 …and, yeah, okay… the goat cheese was STILL delicious! 

And we got a couple free drinks and appetizers because we were the most fun table!

 …and, by the way, while doing research for this, I found you can get your artificial goat eyes  

 …and you can get your preserved cow eyes for $13.50/10 (& cow uterus, testicles, and more!) 

 Ain’t science and the interweb wonderful?


*There’s a certain ‘nobility of dieting’ by claiming you are “sharing” food, when in actuality we are using it as an excuse to buy the high-calorie taste extravaganzas for ourselves.  By claiming we are sharing (okay, yeah, we do…some), we can justify getting the taste treats we want while thinking that the calories we don’t want skitter across the table to the other people, thereby leaving us weight-gain-less!  In other words?  We are totally fooling ourselves.

 **This is one of those places that prides itself in having a couple dozen international brews on tap, complete with their marketing mugs unique to that beer, plus another couple dozen brands found only in bottles.  I said “…just about…” because, quite honestly?  Some of those beers taste rather revolting disgusting puke-arific questionable.

 ***…or his selected minions.  And a few of us around the table are already on Satan’s list, having reservations and hand baskets at the ready when we’re done here on earth.


Apoidea Anger

August 24, 2008

…(and still being in avoidance of The D Word issues, a quick and brainless story)…

Daughter Person (… yes, and Spousal Unit [heavy sigh]) have returned from visiting family. My virtual vacation is over. But, nonetheless, it is very good to see the Girl Child again.

More stories to come from her about her trip, I’m sure, but the first one she told me about had to be shared.

Daughter Person, though of adult age (just), is still my daughter. So, when she wears a pair of pants that rides all the way down to just north of her hoo-hoo forest… or wears shorts that are cut so short that an ill-timed bend-over would run the chance of revealing more than just her modesty… my Dad genes take over and I chastise her choice, suggesting she wear something much less revealing

(Ed. Note: As a side thought… I do realize the irony of chiding the Girl Child over wearing such clothes while knowing–and accepting–that my still active hormones likewise cause me to seek out just such revealing costumery in women more of my age… okay, within 15 years of my age. I’m a mess and admit it…).

So Girl Child shares that she was wearing one of her too short shorts while taking a side trip yesterday. On getting back in the car, she unknowingly let a bee (species Apoidea… there’s the title reference!) into the car.

Girl Child: …but that’s not the worst of it, Dad. It somehow landed on the seat just before I sat down.

GnuKid: Ooo, did it sting you on your “Byew-tocks*”?

Girl Child: No [wince]… it stung me in my crotchal region…

Ouch! (but serves her right for wearing those shorts!) [and Pop is proud of Daughter Person adjectivizing those nouns…{chuckle}…’crotchal’…]

And, yeah, she’s feeling just fine…


*This pronunciation of ‘buttocks’ is an affectation I picked up from watching Lee Marvin in the movie “Cat Ballou”.