Posts Tagged ‘cats’

Pussies In Bondage

September 21, 2008

As part of trying to maintain some semblance of being amicable with The Wife, and since I’m still living there, I continue to help around the house. This includes taking my share in the care of the cats I introduced last post. Occasional feeding, litter box cleaning, brushing,… and the annual excursion, which occured yesterday, where we get them to the veterinarian for their shots. This is otherwise known as “GnuKid’s Kitty Smack Down”.

When it is time to take them, we have to put them in separate cat carriers, otherwise they may mutilate each other… aw, hell, who am I kidding… it’s more likely that The Twit will piss all over as he usually does, and we don’t want to have to clean up two cats.

Putting them in the carriers is the ‘fun’ part of this adventure. It starts the night before where the house must be put on lock-down… doors are closed to prevent escape and limit hiding places. The cat box is moved for the same reason. Unfortunately, this also alerts the cats that something is up and it likely won’t be fun for them. When it’s time to actually lock them into their little kitty cells, the chase is on.

The Diva plays the martyr of the two. It’s usually fairly easy to get her. She surrenders quickly and sort of flattens out against the carpet… is she hoping I won’t see a flat cat? Or is it that she thinks if she gets her center of gravity low enough, I won’t be able to move her? But, she goes, grudgingly, into her carrier and sits there looking pitiful and very hurt at the indignation I’ve visited on her.

The Twit is the challenging one. The key is to try to keep him clueless as long as possible. Given his natural proclivity for cluelessness, you’d think that’d be easy. But, history has taught me that he will fight, so I have to get a towel to protect my arms from the multiple daggers of his claws. As soon as he sees the towel, all hell breaks loose. He immediately starts yowling, as if he’s calling some kind of Kitty 911 hoping that the Cat Defense League will leap into action and come save him from my heinous attempts to confine him. He also starts dodging and weaving, with moves that would befuddle the best defenseman in your sport of choice. My response is to progressively limit his escape routes until his only way out is through me… thus the many scars on my arms as he is more than happy to attempt said escape. The Twit’s yowling continues, loud and strong, even after capture, on the drive to the vets, in the vets office, and the return home.

Hmmm… I think I’ve decided who’s getting the cats in the Divorce…

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*Yeah, the title is descriptive of the content of the post itself, but I’m also curious to see how many Google Search hits I get randomly from this title…

Playing with (Fire) Words

May 9, 2008

A couple posts ago, I referred to a brewing cat fight in the office and felt a good picture would help the story.  I happened upon the following tutorial on how to stop a cat fight and was immediately intrigued and humored by how well the story fit if we replaced “cat” with “woman”.  I realize I’m opening myself up to rebuttal and reprisal from the ladies on the blog, but am willing to take that chance – – –

And men?  I’m thinking there are quite a few helpful hints in here for us. 

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CAT WOMAN FIGHT

If you have a multi cat woman household or your outdoor cats women hang out with other cats women, chances are you will encounter cat woman play. Cat Woman play usually involves chasing, swatting, hissing and nipping.

To a human though, cat woman play can often look rough, so how can you tell the difference?

First off if you know that the two cats women in question have never been friendly to each other then chances are what you are witnessing is fighting.

If you are unsure if the cats women are playing or fighting rely on your ears and eyes.

Screaming is a sure sign that the cats women are fighting. One cat woman being overly dominant is another sign of fighting, usually in cat woman play the roles shift.

Hissing a few times from either cat woman is normal but continued hissing suggests a cat woman fight is underway or about to get underway.

Finally and perhaps most importantly in cat woman play, except for accidents, neither of the two cats women gets hurt.

The best way to separate fighting cats women is through distraction. Making a loud noise or drop something heavy on the floor.

That will usually startle the cats women and send them running in opposite directions.

Shaking a can of food treats (if they are used to that sound) [Ed. Note:  Chocolates?] is another great distraction that will stop the fighting.

Remember cat woman play like any type of animal play is normal and you shouldn’t get involved.

Cat Woman fighting is also fairly common but due to the potential that your cat woman may get harmed or injured, you should try to stop it through distraction.

Do not actually try to physically remove one cat woman from another or you too may get harmed.