…and, no, I’m not talking about the mom of of my mom or dad.
‘Tis the holiday season and holiday parties are rolling. Aside from the usual office parties, last week the women in our office up and declared a “ladies lunch” where they would go off and spend hours drinking and eating and yakking. work? that was for us men-folk, that day. we weren’t even considered to invite.
But, with all the hoo-ha about business places to be politically correct*, the boss (one of the ladies), came around the next day and suggested that the guys have a “gentlemen’s lunch” so no one would feel left out.
Aside from the fact that most of us aren’t really gentlemen, we dove on the opportunity since it would be a valid and boss-approved chance to go drink and eat and do manly things (ogling the waitresses, watching football highlights on the big screen tv in the place we went, scratching ourselves, and so on).
After being seated and ordering our first round of drinks, one of the guys offered up that we should play manly games. When questioned on just what the hell ‘manly games’ really are, he paused a second and said, “Let’s see how many times you can use ‘fuck’ in a sentence!”
I replied, surprising myself at the ease of my diatribe:
“Seeing how many fucking times these fucks can use ‘fuck’ in a fucking sentence is a fucking stupid fucking idea that none of the fucking fuckers here at the fucking table would give a flying fuck about…so fuck off, you fucking fucker.”
I was immediately declared the winner and we moved on to talking about women and drinking more beer and belching.**
depends on what the prize is...
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*Attributed to many, the definition I enjoy most is: “Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.”
**Okay, that’s not exactly true. After dissecting the sentence, we realized there were verbs, nouns, and adjectives all based on ‘fuck’, but no adverbs. So, my question to the readers – – – can you make ‘fuck’ an adverb?
Tags: 'fuck' as an adverb, better grammar through beer drinking, instant Tourette's, manly games
The Wilds of Ohio 
December 11, 2010 at 09:17 |
Really? And what would your ‘grammar’ say at such language?
December 15, 2010 at 07:30 |
she’d probably say, “watch you fucking mouth, fucker”.
December 11, 2010 at 16:52 |
When I was younger, manly games usually involved auditioning for the Darwin Awards. Can’t actually remember what we did. Concussion will do that.
December 15, 2010 at 07:30 |
ah, youth. i miss those days of carefree, life-threatening silliness. anymore, i just do careful, life-threatening silliness.
December 12, 2010 at 01:04 |
Adverbing “fuck” could work like so:
“My pen is fucking running out,” said the poet.
(The exasperation of the situation demands the expletive which, placed prior to the verb, has the same effect as an adverb.)
To my mind, ‘fuckly’ and ‘fuckingly’ would only sound OK said with a British accent.
December 15, 2010 at 07:32 |
wouldn’t it work with an Aussie accent as well?
and i really enjoyed how you made literary magic by invoking the main character of a poet. fucking magic.
December 13, 2010 at 00:30 |
Sure, that question is fucked! An adverb usually answers a question such as why, what, when or where. And fuck no I’m not an English major, I gots the google.
FYI, last Friday was our office ‘party’. This involved being picked up at 7:15 am, driving to a designated spot to catch a bus to take a 3 hour each way, bus ride from Seattle to Portland to have lunch and drinks…so basically I drank continuously for 12 hours, because once I got home, I went out with the husband and neighbors for dinner and drinks only to top it off with Sambuca back at home. Did I mention that I also won a gallon of Crown Royal. I was in kind of a funk all day Saturday…dur! I guess you could say I was fucked up!
December 15, 2010 at 07:33 |
a gallon of Crown? when shall i be there? one of my favorite food groups!
and, yeah, i missed out on mr. google helping me. thought it’d be more fun to ask all y’all.
December 13, 2010 at 13:14 |
well..fuck you too and I’m telling “Grammar” on you. See what you get for Christmas this year..She won’t let you kiss her anymore with that mouth.
December 15, 2010 at 07:33 |
me? i don’t need grammar police. i need a grammar SWAT team with full body armor, flashbang grenades, and uzis. i’m that bad.
December 13, 2010 at 15:38 |
Were you channeling Deadwood?
December 15, 2010 at 07:34 |
oh, my no… damn that’s good and funny. he is MUCH too literate and flowery in his expression than my belch of fuckitude.
December 13, 2010 at 15:39 |
December 15, 2010 at 07:35 |
brilliant! we should all aspire to return to this way of speaking.
January 1, 2011 at 20:07 |
Ha ha, i’m not surprised you won.
Well my grammer is appalling so i wont be coming up with any abverbs 😀
January 4, 2011 at 14:18 |
That’s why I loved Australia. I once saw a lady road worker type ask someone to ‘get out of the fuckin’ road you fuckin’ fucker’. Still cackling.
January 7, 2011 at 16:43 |
And a friend of mine was once at a regional airport in Queensland trying to get a flight out of there. The ticket attendant was adamant that there were no available seats and my friend pointed to a plane on the runway. “What about that flight – couldn’t you squeeze me on in the jump seat or something?” He replied (and it’s best if you say this in a laconic Australian accent) “Sorry cobber, that fuckin Fokker’s chocker”
Come on down to the gimcrack gnukid, I’ve done a diving post today