Archive for December, 2010

Fun with Grammar

December 10, 2010

…and, no, I’m not talking about the mom of of my mom or dad.

‘Tis the holiday season and holiday parties are rolling.  Aside from the usual office parties, last week the women in our office up and declared a “ladies lunch” where they would go off and spend hours drinking and eating and yakking.  work?  that was for us men-folk, that day. we weren’t even considered to invite.

But, with all the hoo-ha about business places to be politically correct*, the boss (one of the ladies), came around the next day and suggested that the guys have a “gentlemen’s lunch” so no one would feel left out.

Aside from the fact that most of us aren’t really gentlemen, we dove on the opportunity since it would be a valid and boss-approved chance to go drink and eat and do manly things (ogling the waitresses, watching football highlights on the big screen tv in the place we went, scratching ourselves, and so on).

After being seated and ordering our first round of drinks, one of the guys offered up that we should play manly games.  When questioned on just what the hell ‘manly games’ really are, he paused a second and said, “Let’s see how many times you can use ‘fuck’ in a sentence!”

I replied, surprising myself at the ease of my diatribe:

“Seeing how many fucking times these fucks can use ‘fuck’ in a fucking sentence is a fucking stupid fucking idea that none of the fucking fuckers here at the fucking table would give a flying fuck about…so fuck off, you fucking fucker.”

I was immediately declared the winner and we moved on to talking about women and drinking more beer and belching.**

depends on what the prize is...

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*Attributed to many, the definition I enjoy most is:  “Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.”

**Okay, that’s not exactly true.  After dissecting the sentence, we realized there were verbs, nouns, and adjectives all based on ‘fuck’, but no adverbs.  So, my question to the readers – – – can you make ‘fuck’ an adverb?


Big Dan II

December 8, 2010

Big Dan strikes again.

I introduced Big Dan earlier and gave an example of how he doesn’t hold back on what he thinks of a person and often has a ‘special’ way of imparting that.

Consulting a team who recently had a change of leadership, I went to Big Dan to explain what help they needed and what I needed from him.  I explained that the lady now in charge has been a program manager before, but never in our industry.  Our industry, mind you, has many varied, arcane, and complex rules for how to manage programs.

I knew Big Dan had the essence of the problem when I later heard him describing this new program manager to his boss – – –

“That lady’s tree of knowledge has no branches.”*

pretty sad looking tree, if you ask me

Yes, I realize this may already be a common phrase to some people.

So I’m unread…

So I’m uninformed…

So my tree of knowledge has no branches…

[chortle]

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*I’ve often heard a variant of this to refer to inbred families:  “Her family tree doesn’t have any branches.”