Random Restroom Reflections

Had an experience in the men’s room today that got me thinking.

Now, before all you rude and crude people (you know who you are) start chomping at the bit to comment, no, I’m not talking the Congressman Craig kind of scenario.

I’m just going to throw out some restroom observations… random neurons firing off.

There are no real rules and etiquette for behavior in public restrooms.  Some have written on it, but what’s acceptable in one part of the country may not be acceptable in another.  And, of course, cross country borders and all bets are off on what’s okay (for example, walking into a Belgian restroom to take a stand at the urinal…while the cleaning lady was nonchalantly scrubbing away nearby).

So, first, the toilet – –

Now get all comfortable sitting down...

The Poo Interrupter: This guy wants to hold a conversation while you’re in mid-deuce.  We’re talking co-workers here.  Without getting into the psychology of what horrible emotional damage potty training did to me us all, does anyone else find it mildly disturbing to be holding a discussion punctuated by grunts, escaping body gasses, and, not to mention (which I am anyway), the occasional sounds of “the kids being dropped off at the pool”?  If this were a loved one, it may be a bit different, but when I’m safely athroned in my stall, I’d sort of like some privacy.  Talking can wait for the water cooler.  This is not to say that my co-workers should wait on me to finish before telling me the building is on fire and I should skedaddle out of there or ask if I’ve got today’s paper in my stall or some such.  I’m not a total recluse there.

Now, I also know that there are such people as “Nervous Poo-ers” who’s butt hole clenches up tighter than Joan River’s face  if anybody tries talking to them while on the toilet.  I’m not one of those, but if you were to get a Poo Interrupter talking to a Nervous Poo-er?  There could be some physical damage done there.

The Toilet Yakker: A slightly different version of the first one (or, perhaps, it is the first one who doesn’t care when and where he yaks).  This is the guy who wants to carry on a conversation while he’s in mid-deuce.  Okay, maybe there is an intriguing psychological study in this about how toilet training affects restroom comfort.  Hmmm…

–        The recent example of this one I ran into was not, thankfully, talking to me.  However, he WAS talking on his cell phone (sounded like a business call, too).  I missed my chance to make all kinds of noise to interrupt – like grunting loudly, flushing often, making a loud “Phew!”… I’ll be better prepared next time.

Next, the urinals – –

don’t stand TOO closely

Which urinal to stand at? There have been many well written article on this, so I won’t linger.  Some guys go to the first available.  Some go to the one offering the most separation from the next nearest guy.  One guy I know purposely takes the middle one so he maximizes his chances for company (and, no, I’ve no clue if he has wandering eyes or not).

How to stand at the urinal? This is a weird one.  Now, I’m not really an OCD germaphobe, but there’ve been some instances that just make me go “eww”.  I’ve seen a guy who felt he had to hold onto the urinal plumbing.  More common, are the guys who put one, or even both, hands up against the wall.  And, lately with the explosion of smartphones?   Guys who use both hands to text on their phones (sort of a e-version of the Toilet Yakker?).   I hope those last guys have good aim.

Like I said…just random observations.  No real moral to this story.  No resolutions.  No dramatic findings.  Just a few thoughts.

I’m just sayin’…

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12 Responses to “Random Restroom Reflections”

  1. Rob Says:

    Not picking nits here, but wasn’t Craig the Senator from Idaho? I’ve visited (I believe) the infamous MSP ‘C’ Concourse scene of the crime. Mind you, I wasn’t looking for action. Or an autograph. I just had to, you know, go.

    I’m chagrined to admit it, but I’ve had random thoughts about writing about stall observations as well from time to time. Like have you ever noticed how busy the stalls get right after lunch? Not really a mystery, I suppose.

    What I don’t get is the “moaner/groaners”. Like, what’s up with that? Do the sound effects improve the quality of the delivery?

    On urinals, I always choose the one that shows evidence of having been adequately flushed by the prior user. Nothing worse than peeing into an unflushed urinal and having to smell someone else’s urine. I don’t know about the one or even two hands on the wall thing. I try not to touch anything in the urinal and I definitely don’t stand too close, so if I attempted to rest hands on the wall, I’d wind up peeing all over my shoes. As it is, it seems a fair amount gets on the floor anyways (I have no idea how). Good thing I don’t do that at home, eh?

    I’m just sayin’….

  2. Dennis the Vizsla Says:

    I had to explain to my wife several times about the rows of urinals and just having to stand there next to everybody else before she would believe me …

  3. daisyfae Says:

    on the ladies side? i become ENRAGED at the idiotwomen who stand up over public toilet seats — lest they get microbes on their sancitified little bums — and end up PISSING ON THE SEAT, leaving a nice wetspot for the next gal… at least lift the lid, you herd of paranoid cows.

    [pant, pant, pant]

  4. Stephanie of Stopbouncing Says:

    Women have the same issues.
    IBS has put me at ease with “dropping the Browns off at the Superbowl”…. more out of necessity than nicety.
    EVERYBODY POOPS.
    Pooping is nothing to be ashamed of!

    If someone is in another stall and is clearly a nervous-pooer, sometimes I’ll makes sure I spend and extra five minutes in the restroom, just to see how long they can go… am I evil? Yes I am.

    Also, it’s pretty f-ing gross when people leave a turdpedo and don’t make sure it’s gone all the way down. EWWWWW.
    (say, how’s that chocolate soft-serve?)

  5. hisqueen Says:

    Turnpike restrooms….need I say more..I’ve used my share and look in each on to check for cleanliness prior to my usage.
    I had one woman pull what Daisy described and ended up peeing all over her legs and the floor. didn’t even whip or wash her hands and it was running across the floor to me. Got myself out of there right quick.
    I’m a nervous poo-er..I’ll hold it till I get home or to a nice quiet place. I even avoid certain foods the day before I take my 3hr tour to pick up my son. (call me Anal if you must)

  6. Girl, unpinned Says:

    Toilet yakkers a-plenty in my corner of the world. Even worse is those who use the opportunity to surf the web from their phones, or send a text message. All you can hear is the clickety clack of buttons being thumbed. My personal favourite though, and not so related, was the marketing campaign the ant farm I work for chose to run on the back of toilet stall doors all of last year. “Now that you have a moment, reflect on your next challenge”. It was supposed to bolster ‘pushing beyond boundaries’ – one of our corporate values. Pushing could said to be involved :p

  7. S. Le Says:

    Gads!

    Yesterday at work I heard a colleague talking in the women’s room. I went in and she was sitting on toilet chatting on her mobile! I was thinking about flushing whilst she was on her phone but sadly she finished chatting first.

  8. thegnukid Says:

    rob – yeah, i try and avoid the urinals that look like someone with a nervous condition was trying to aim straight and missed all over. i’m just sayin’…

    dennis – try explaining the ol’ two-holer outhouse to her

    daisyfae – or at least wipe up after yourself…sheesh. sort of glad to hear it’s not just the men who do this kinda stuff…schadenfreude

    stephanie – yep, everybody poops. but it’s the how that still gets me. yep, if i walk in a stall with an unflushed deukie, i’m just as likely to leave it untouched and move to another

    hisqueen – was there ominous music as the flood approached you, making you more and more nervous? life needs a soundtrack, if you ask me.

    girl, unpinned – hey, reading material on the back of the door? brilliant.

    s. le – that’s the experience i had, too…no, we were not in the same bathroom at the same time, but…

  9. Girl, unpinned Says:

    Reading material? Lolz, ok I suppose 🙂

  10. Kym Says:

    My husband and I sniggered over your take on the toilet experience. I can’t add much more but I second Daisyfae’s comment!

  11. Sally Says:

    Wow – you said it! I like the part about the foreign restrooms. I’m so used to men in the ladies rooms now I don’t even bat an eye. The other week on a drive home we stopped off at an Autobahn WC stop. Paul went in to the mens and came out a little paler. He said “just about anything that could have come out of a human person was in that restroom…I wouldn’t have been surprised to see blood in there. Have fun!” he said to me, snickering…I went in to the ladies side, and when I came out I reported to Paul, “I found the blood”.

  12. thegnukid Says:

    girl, unpinned – well, if conversation is out, you have to do somethin’ in there to keep busy

    kym – then my mission here is done! [grin]

    sally – whoa! wouldn’t have thought so, but i did run into the same at one of my prior work jobs. at the urinal, blood on the floor… needless to say, i didn’t go to that one.

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