Random Restroom Reflections

Had an experience in the men’s room today that got me thinking.

Now, before all you rude and crude people (you know who you are) start chomping at the bit to comment, no, I’m not talking the Congressman Craig kind of scenario.

I’m just going to throw out some restroom observations… random neurons firing off.

There are no real rules and etiquette for behavior in public restrooms.  Some have written on it, but what’s acceptable in one part of the country may not be acceptable in another.  And, of course, cross country borders and all bets are off on what’s okay (for example, walking into a Belgian restroom to take a stand at the urinal…while the cleaning lady was nonchalantly scrubbing away nearby).

So, first, the toilet – –

Now get all comfortable sitting down...

The Poo Interrupter: This guy wants to hold a conversation while you’re in mid-deuce.  We’re talking co-workers here.  Without getting into the psychology of what horrible emotional damage potty training did to me us all, does anyone else find it mildly disturbing to be holding a discussion punctuated by grunts, escaping body gasses, and, not to mention (which I am anyway), the occasional sounds of “the kids being dropped off at the pool”?  If this were a loved one, it may be a bit different, but when I’m safely athroned in my stall, I’d sort of like some privacy.  Talking can wait for the water cooler.  This is not to say that my co-workers should wait on me to finish before telling me the building is on fire and I should skedaddle out of there or ask if I’ve got today’s paper in my stall or some such.  I’m not a total recluse there.

Now, I also know that there are such people as “Nervous Poo-ers” who’s butt hole clenches up tighter than Joan River’s face  if anybody tries talking to them while on the toilet.  I’m not one of those, but if you were to get a Poo Interrupter talking to a Nervous Poo-er?  There could be some physical damage done there.

The Toilet Yakker: A slightly different version of the first one (or, perhaps, it is the first one who doesn’t care when and where he yaks).  This is the guy who wants to carry on a conversation while he’s in mid-deuce.  Okay, maybe there is an intriguing psychological study in this about how toilet training affects restroom comfort.  Hmmm…

–        The recent example of this one I ran into was not, thankfully, talking to me.  However, he WAS talking on his cell phone (sounded like a business call, too).  I missed my chance to make all kinds of noise to interrupt – like grunting loudly, flushing often, making a loud “Phew!”… I’ll be better prepared next time.

Next, the urinals – –

don’t stand TOO closely

Which urinal to stand at? There have been many well written article on this, so I won’t linger.  Some guys go to the first available.  Some go to the one offering the most separation from the next nearest guy.  One guy I know purposely takes the middle one so he maximizes his chances for company (and, no, I’ve no clue if he has wandering eyes or not).

How to stand at the urinal? This is a weird one.  Now, I’m not really an OCD germaphobe, but there’ve been some instances that just make me go “eww”.  I’ve seen a guy who felt he had to hold onto the urinal plumbing.  More common, are the guys who put one, or even both, hands up against the wall.  And, lately with the explosion of smartphones?   Guys who use both hands to text on their phones (sort of a e-version of the Toilet Yakker?).   I hope those last guys have good aim.

Like I said…just random observations.  No real moral to this story.  No resolutions.  No dramatic findings.  Just a few thoughts.

I’m just sayin’…

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Tags: bathroom etiquette, not the mirror kind of reflection, potty training psychology, random neuron firings