Inner Voice, Released

Most of us have an inner dialogue (or, good Lord, I hope I’m not the only one).  We also have the filter that let’s us say the appropriate thing in any given situation, despite what we’re really thinking.  But there are times that filter fails.  Today was just such a day.

Tired and stressed by life and work, I found myself having to attend a later afternoon meeting.  I knew the guy talking would be long-winded and unlikely to finish anywhere near my usual time to go home, so was looking at a long and late day.

Waiting for the meeting to start, I was checking out who else was around.  I noticed the boss of the guy giving the presentation on the other side of the room.  I also noticed that she had her thumb all wrapped up in surgical gauze.  Knowing there was time before the meeting started, I wandered over and inquired if she stuck her thumb in something, but didn’t pull out a plum (I can be so clever sometimes, can’t I).

She allowed as how she’d cut her thumb, quite badly, on a sharp piece of metal in a poorly opened food can.  Then she proceeded to tell me that the cut didn’t hurt as much as when they went in later to remove her thumbnail because it was infected.  Ewww.  Continuing, she started talking about how you knew some of the thumb was infected and how some wasn’t (“…if it looks like raw hamburger, it’s okay…”).  Ewwww some more!  And she kept talking about it…

Now, I’m not a real queasy kind of guy usually, but for some reason, this started to get to me.  Since she is of an equivalent level of my supervisor, I felt I couldn’t just walk away, but had to say something.  Looking to be clever again, my mind formulated a quip that would get a chuckle and allow me to make a calm exit from the conversation.  I thought I’d say something like, “My, this discussion makes you very attractive to me.”  Not really politically correct, but not awful.

What really came out?

GnuKid: “My, but you are one damn, fine sexy bitch!”

Mortified, of course

I knew as soon as it rolled off my lips, that I’d screwed up royally.  Luckily, one of the other ladies who was listening in burst out laughing and said, “Well, when he puts it like that, how can you get mad?”

Tail between my legs, I slunk back to my seat on the other side of the room.

Just waiting for tomorrow to see when I get the phone call from my boss demanding an explanation.

Aw, crap…

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16 Responses to “Inner Voice, Released”

  1. Rob Says:

    Explanation? Just tell ’em you’re going through andropause and you have a slight touch of Tourette’s. That should hold ’em.

  2. Girl, unpinned. Says:

    Ouch. Open mouth and insert foot. Right up to the hip in this case …

  3. beaverboosh Says:

    well done, nothing wrong with that at all, should receive praise!

  4. nursemyra Says:

    I feel your pain Gnukid. I opened my mouth to compliment an acquaintance’s new dress one day and the words that came out were “Lovely dress, you look ALMOST pretty today!”

    where the f*@k did that come from? I was mortified…..

  5. daisyfae Says:

    you can claim that you have Dysfunctional Squeamish Audio-transitory Disorder. When someone grosses you out? You say inappropriate things. And, in fact, you were traumatized by her description. File a counter-grievance… works every time…

  6. Stephanie of Stopbouncing Says:

    Tourettes .

    Always go for Tourettes. But your sensitive about it GOD DAMN IT so if your boss can SNOTRAG keep it on the downlow, that’d be great. FLAGPOLE!

  7. S. Le Says:

    Hilarious! Did you really?

    Why is it that some people think you want every grisly, morbid, gross, detail when you ask about their injury/illness? Thick gits!

    My inner voice would have told me to say, “Awww, poor you!” whilst really thinking, “Idiot! Stop talking!” My inner voice is plural. Or it may be I’m schizophrenic, or maybe I am.

  8. hisqueen Says:

    you’re in voice totally one upped you..
    Gnu:0
    Inner Voice:(a big nerf finger at a football game waving) 1
    go with Tourette’s when you talk to the boss though..and try to avoid saying “yeah, whaz up Hoss” when he calls you in.

  9. Dennis the Vizsla Says:

    I like the Tourette’s idea. Then they have to accommodate you.

  10. S. Le Says:

    I like the Tourette’s idea but not the idea of Tourette’s!

  11. Kym Says:

    I was feeling your pain…but then I read Nurse Myra’s comment and I’m still nervously grinning and blushing as if it had happened to me. Good Lord!

  12. silverstar98121 Says:

    Hint: Don’t have lunch with a bunch of nurses. You will really regret it. We talk about the grossest things.

    Meanwhile, I feel for you. That sentiment might have been appropriate, but not with your supervisor. You can try the Tourette’s route, and good luck with it.

  13. Mitzi G Burger Says:

    Yeeouch. I reckon she would’ve spent some pre-sleep time at night reflecting on the Freudian slip: am I a damn fine sexy bitch? Is it PC to be a bitch these days, now that raunch culture has become mainstream? This new outfit must be doing good things for my figure, but, professionalism much?

    I’d steer clear of the Tourette’s thing myself, and just hope the incident is downplayed. To the Boss, explain: a bizarre slip, because you fell in love at first (or first time that day) sight completely out of the blue and you want to take the woman to Paris asap. You could also try: it’s an Australian expression and term of endearment.

  14. thegnukid Says:

    rob – BOTH andropause and Tourette’s? damn, that is a double whammy. if i told them that, they’d be talking medical retirement for me. hmmm…

    girl, unpinned – and that size 10, winter worn shoe is none too tasty

    bb – [laughing] now there’s an endorsement i can live with. praise for saying what’s really on my mind.

    nursemyra – ooooo, ouch. yeah, that one would’ve hurt a bit. hopefully she let it pass with a laugh. or at least isn’t planning your demise.

    daisyfae – i’m not one to file grievances, but if i have to, i’m certainly using your suggestion. anything that sounds pretentious and important like DSAD (send you funds now to help stop this disorder), should certainly work wonders.

    stephanie – wasn’t that a South Park episode? i’m thinking i could have a blast and tell people what i really think and really want to say. and, by the way, you did that way to well in your comment. practiced?

    s. le – yep, i really really did. still haven’t been called by my boss, her, or a lawyer, so i’m thinking i’m okay. and, yeah, i should’ve just said, “EWWW!” and walked away with my fingers in my ears.

    kym – i think we’re all one sleep deprived night or over stressed day from doing this. nurse and i just happen to have actually done it. oh, and welcome back! missed you.

    silverstar – like i said, i’m not typically the queasy type, but it was just the way she started talking about and where we were talking about it. if i was with a bunch of nurses, i’d expect the ‘shop talk’ to kick in.

    mitzi – hmmm, i’m actually hoping she DID think about it before drifting off…keep her guessing. [evil chuckling]. and i think i may try that “…Australian expression and term of endearment…” and see how it flies (or sinks like a stone).

  15. Sally Says:

    Oh man. You have to tell us what happened the next day. Personally, I’d LOVE to be called that.

  16. thegnukid Says:

    sally – it was eerily quiet the next day…had me on edge. but, in the end, nothing was said (of course, i haven’t seen her since). and, by the way? you ARE one damn fine sexy bitch! yeah, i said it. wanna make something of it?

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