Archive for December, 2009

Mixed Emotions

December 6, 2009

GnuKid's sister

My sister passed away this past Thursday due to complications from lung cancer.

As I’ve mentioned a couple times previously, we were not that close.  Her lack of sisterly love for me when I decided to divorce made us even more distant.  Since I told her I was divorcing, we’ve talked on the phone only some 20 times in the past year.  Of that, I initiated the call 17 times.  Of the 3 she initiated, 2 were about funeral arrangements for an aunt who had passed.

Still, she was my sister.  Thus the subject line.  Mixed Emotions.

I am sorry that she died.  And at ‘only’ 66 years of age.  She didn’t suffer when she actually went, but was not doing well with the lung cancer.

I feel badly that I didn’t really get a chance to say “goodbye” to her.  But, likewise, I wasn’t really allowed to say goodbye, either.  I asked her a couple of times if I could come out and visit.  Each time I was told, “This is not a good time.”

Near the end, due to a health issue, her husband asked everyone to “don’t call her, she’ll call you”.  Having been a caregiver to my ex-wife during her illness, I fully respected his request and did not call.  Come to find out that one of the few people she did call?  My ex-.  She was a better sister to my ex- than she was to me.

I feel badly for her husband and daughter.  It was very clear when my brother-in-law called to tell me she passed that he was distraught.  I feel for him.

A strange emotion hit me.  I can’t describe, really, the realization that I’m the last of the 4 siblings.  Yes, I am the youngest.  And, yes, I have many cousins left in my generation.  And even aunts and an uncle left in my Mom and Dad’s generation (though both Mom and Dad are gone).  But in my immediate family, I am the last of the 4 siblings.  Still haven’t wrapped my brain around that emotion.

She did not act like a sister to me.  I can’t really grieve as if she was.  Yet, still, she was my sister.  She was family.  And she’s gone now.  And for that, I am sorry.

When you consider my sister’s passing, along with my brother’s passing last year around this time, plus the divorce, moving out of the married home, moving into a new ‘single’ place, and add in a few other life stressors, this has made for an emotionally frenetic year for GnuKid.

I am ready for the Karma Goddess to embrace me lovingly instead of kicking me in the ass and crotch like she’s got PMS and blames me.


Rule One Exemplified

December 2, 2009

A bit ago, I talked about the basics of relationship captured in the simplistic Rule One, Rule Two.  Essentially, Rule One is that all women are crazy to some extent.  Rule Two is that you have to get laid anyway.  The anti-simplistic side to this rule is figuring out when Rule One overrides Rule Two.

While continually mulling over Rule Two, I had a chance to experience, first hand, one of the shining examples of Rule One-itude.  Let’s call her ROE, short for Rule One Epitome

This actually happened a few months ago.  Forgive me for taking so long to blog about it, but there are just some things you have to puzzle and process before putting fingers to keyboard.

I met ROE when I was on a scuba vacation this summer.  I was there with Dear Friend and she was there with her boyfriend.  We talked oh-so-briefly, and usually about what we saw the last dive and what we could expect the next dive.  The group we were diving with got along great, so we all exchanged e-mail addresses.

A couple months later (a couple months ago), I got an e-mail from ROE out of the blue.  She just wanted to say “Hi” and asked how I was doing.  We started an e-mail exchange back and forth.  Not many e-mails…3 or 4 a piece.  Pleasantries, mostly…things we like to do, what our jobs are, more scuba talk.  One of the things I shared I like to do is biking and told her where I bike.  She wrote back that she’d always wanted to bike that route, so we set up a “bike date”.  I didn’t really consider it a ‘date’, per se, but thought it might lead to dating opportunities.

Bike day rolls around.  Since she was from an hour away, we met at a restaurant near my place which she knew about, put her bike on my bike rack, and headed to the bike path.  And we start off down the bike path together.  I was looking forward to at least an hour ride to get some good exercise in.  We didn’t get 10 minutes down the path, chatting about nothing much, when she hit me with a strange question – – “So, GnuKid, what did you think of my e-mails?”  It wasn’t so much what she asked (although that did seem rather random), as how she asked it.

If I had hackles on my neck, they would’ve been bristling.

Giving her a generic, noncommittal answer, we rode on.  But she pressed.

She started saying things about how much I meant to her.  About how my kindness has really meant so much to her.  About how I’ve become a very important part of her life.


I’ve known this woman for 2 months in which we’ve had a grand total of about…oh…15 minutes of talk time together (even counting what I guess would be the amount of time to read the e-mails).  Now, I may have a certain charm…but 15 minutes and I’m “very important in her life”?  Ahhh!!!

Any thoughts of dating this woman immediately flew out of my mind.  We drove back to the restaurant where she suggested we go in for a drink.

Umm, look at the time, gotta scoot, thanks so much, bye!

The next day?  A text message from her (in text speak, which drives me a bit crazy all by itself), which read:

Goodatrnoon GnuKid..hope ur enjoying visit w ur cousin! Lastnite w u vy enjoyble!  Ur vy specl bak at work wed sat this week yay!! Thnx for ur support GnuKid vy muchim having dinner w my dad..btw we could do a ride wed eve, more time to vist..Thnx GnuKid! hugs ROE

How many times did she use my name in the course of that very short text message?  My “Flee or Fight” reaction kicked in full gear to the “Flee…Flee NOW!” mode.

Sent a kind, thanks but no thanks message to her.

okay, yeah, i e-mailed...but you get the idea

Luckily, she wasn’t in stalker mode and has only sent one generic e-mail since.

Proving to myself that there may be some instances where Rule Two will never trump Rule One…