I spent over 5 minutes quietly ranting at a rabbit Monday night.
Okay, it wasn’t a real rabbit. It was a white and blue porcelain rabbit.
And it held the cremated remains (cremains!) of my sister.
The memorial service wasn’t really a service, but more of a remembrance of my sister for her local friends. Given the quick scheduling of the event, there were only 5 family members who could attend, me being one of them.
The remembrance was held in the chapel. The cremains and two pictures of my sister were at the front. People who wished stood up and gave a story or two remembering my sister.
The stories told were mysteries to me. The type of woman described was unknown to me. I had no clue who this woman was. She never let me in. Even when I asked to be let in…to come visit in her waning months…she refused. Phone conversations, what few there were, tended to the superficial.
When the remembrance was over, my brother-in-law invited all the folks back to a side room in the funeral home to reminisce and chat a bit more.
And once they were all gone, I had my chance to go to the front of the chapel and finally really say “Goodbye” to my sister.
But I just stared at the rabbit. Words wouldn’t come. I stared some more. It hit me — here I am, a grown man, staring at a porcelain rabbit.
And I slowly let loose with what was on my mind. As I said, quietly. People were still in the hallway outside the chapel. I spoke in a whisper…through gritted teeth.
I ranted at her. I asked her why she treated me, her own brother, so poorly. I asked why she was a better sister to my ex- than she was to me. I asked why she was a better friend to all those in the room who were strangers to me, than she was to me.
And, of course, she didn’t answer.
So, I left it at “Goodbye”.
And still feel unsatisfied.
This will take awhile.
But, hey…how many people can say they’ve ranted at a rabbit?
no carrots for you!
Tags: funerals suck, sister, the rabbit deserved it, what's a rabbit urn?
The Wilds of Ohio 
December 9, 2009 at 23:06 |
must have been hard to yell at such a cute bunny… good thing it wasn’t a weasel or something. oh, and i’m going shopping. knowing my kids? they’ll put my ashes in something even weirder than that…
December 9, 2009 at 23:38 |
They make rabbit shaped urns? Who knew? I was never offered a cute array of urn choices. Not that I’d have buried my late husband in a blue bunny, but something shaped like a football would have pleased him.
I am sorry you didn’t get any satisfying closure. The dead have one over on us where closure is concerned. It wasn’t you though, I’d wager. Just being related to someone isn’t grounds for a relationship. There has to be more than genetics. I am baffled by the close sibling thing. I get along with my next youngest sister but my brother and youngest sister aren’t people I would ever chose to know on purpose.
Still, it was crappy of her not to be at least a tiny bit big sisterly. I force myself once in a while. I’m betting she got points off for it.
December 10, 2009 at 02:12 |
I’ve never seen anything remotely like a rabbit shaped urn before. I presume your sister at least had a good sense of humour…..
December 10, 2009 at 10:55 |
I’ve never seen an urn like that either. You’re right, funerals do suck.
December 10, 2009 at 15:44 |
How does one explain what is in the rabbit when company admires it on the mantel? Seems almost creepy to me.
I think Annie hit it right on the nail…you can’t pick your family. I guess you could always think that she was better with others even if not toward you. Perhaps there was some underlying jealousy that you will never know about.
December 10, 2009 at 20:02 |
“Broigess” – yiddisch word for unresolved angsty tension between family members. It’s a shame the broigess could never alleviate entirely, but a relief for you to get the frustration out. Medically speaking, it’s better to unbottle thing. They say the less you keep bottled up inside, the more time you get before you are bottled up in and urn of your own … wishing you well from sunny Sydney.
December 11, 2009 at 18:30 |
I think that you were able to say your piece is a good thing. The thing to do now is to just ….. let it go. I’ve known too many people who dwell on things past, especially in the aftermath of death, and it’s never done or been a good thing for any one involved.
I’ll admit, though, the rabbit urn is a bit of an eyebrow raiser!
December 12, 2009 at 12:00 |
daisyfae – perhaps you should shortcut the kids and buy your urn now. a bottle of bourbon? a mini-guitar?
annie – it wasn’t an urn, really. it was a porcelain rabbit that they converted into an urn. and this? “Just being related to someone isn’t grounds for a relationship.” …is awesome. helped tremendously, thank you.
nursemyra – yep, she had the family sense of humour, though she didn’t pick the urn…her husband and daughter have the same obtuse sense of humour and picked it out.
dennis – and the sad thing is that funerals seem to be one of the few times we get to see family anymore, spread out as we are.
hisqueen – i’m not sure how they’ll explain the rabbit…or if they’ll keep it. she’ll be ‘inurned’ in the spring in a cemetery columbarium.
mitzi – one of the few times i’ve let it out. my stoic, Scandinavian background learned as a child from my mom usually has me eating it. you’re right, though…let it out.
rob – yep…”let it go”. easier said than done, as you well know, but great advice nonetheless. i’m in the process of letting go. i’ll get there.
December 21, 2009 at 19:27 |
My dad was a funeral director for many years, and spent several of them working at a huge crematorium in Chicago. It’s amazing the things they can do with ashes . . .
Great to meet you today. I hope your sanity returns soon . . .
December 21, 2009 at 20:10 |
tysdaddy – excellent! welcome to The Wilds of Ohio. ride a spell with us. yeah, i bet you have some stories. from the bizarre to the sweet. maybe you’ll share sometime on your blog?
great meeting you and yours as well. it was truly fun.