Rule One Exemplified

A bit ago, I talked about the basics of relationship captured in the simplistic Rule One, Rule Two.  Essentially, Rule One is that all women are crazy to some extent.  Rule Two is that you have to get laid anyway.  The anti-simplistic side to this rule is figuring out when Rule One overrides Rule Two.

While continually mulling over Rule Two, I had a chance to experience, first hand, one of the shining examples of Rule One-itude.  Let’s call her ROE, short for Rule One Epitome

This actually happened a few months ago.  Forgive me for taking so long to blog about it, but there are just some things you have to puzzle and process before putting fingers to keyboard.

I met ROE when I was on a scuba vacation this summer.  I was there with Dear Friend and she was there with her boyfriend.  We talked oh-so-briefly, and usually about what we saw the last dive and what we could expect the next dive.  The group we were diving with got along great, so we all exchanged e-mail addresses.

A couple months later (a couple months ago), I got an e-mail from ROE out of the blue.  She just wanted to say “Hi” and asked how I was doing.  We started an e-mail exchange back and forth.  Not many e-mails…3 or 4 a piece.  Pleasantries, mostly…things we like to do, what our jobs are, more scuba talk.  One of the things I shared I like to do is biking and told her where I bike.  She wrote back that she’d always wanted to bike that route, so we set up a “bike date”.  I didn’t really consider it a ‘date’, per se, but thought it might lead to dating opportunities.

Bike day rolls around.  Since she was from an hour away, we met at a restaurant near my place which she knew about, put her bike on my bike rack, and headed to the bike path.  And we start off down the bike path together.  I was looking forward to at least an hour ride to get some good exercise in.  We didn’t get 10 minutes down the path, chatting about nothing much, when she hit me with a strange question – – “So, GnuKid, what did you think of my e-mails?”  It wasn’t so much what she asked (although that did seem rather random), as how she asked it.

If I had hackles on my neck, they would’ve been bristling.

Giving her a generic, noncommittal answer, we rode on.  But she pressed.

She started saying things about how much I meant to her.  About how my kindness has really meant so much to her.  About how I’ve become a very important part of her life.


I’ve known this woman for 2 months in which we’ve had a grand total of about…oh…15 minutes of talk time together (even counting what I guess would be the amount of time to read the e-mails).  Now, I may have a certain charm…but 15 minutes and I’m “very important in her life”?  Ahhh!!!

Any thoughts of dating this woman immediately flew out of my mind.  We drove back to the restaurant where she suggested we go in for a drink.

Umm, look at the time, gotta scoot, thanks so much, bye!

The next day?  A text message from her (in text speak, which drives me a bit crazy all by itself), which read:

Goodatrnoon GnuKid..hope ur enjoying visit w ur cousin! Lastnite w u vy enjoyble!  Ur vy specl bak at work wed sat this week yay!! Thnx for ur support GnuKid vy muchim having dinner w my dad..btw we could do a ride wed eve, more time to vist..Thnx GnuKid! hugs ROE

How many times did she use my name in the course of that very short text message?  My “Flee or Fight” reaction kicked in full gear to the “Flee…Flee NOW!” mode.

Sent a kind, thanks but no thanks message to her.

okay, yeah, i e-mailed...but you get the idea

Luckily, she wasn’t in stalker mode and has only sent one generic e-mail since.

Proving to myself that there may be some instances where Rule Two will never trump Rule One…


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8 Responses to “Rule One Exemplified”

  1. Dennis the Vizsla Says:


  2. hisqueen Says:

    That ain’t nothin’ Her crazy isn’t too bad, it’s definitely there but not too bad. Just keep going with that “flee baby, flee” instinct and you’ll do fine.
    You seem to have a pretty good “crazy” radar. I think you’ll do just fine.

    psst…I had a crazy comment for you but it was just not something I could do. I can’t bring myself to portrait crazy if I tried. Not a good actress even in writing.

  3. daisyfae Says:

    funny that your acronym, ROE, also stands for “rules of engagement”…. and yes, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit… second date? she’d have brought a u-haul with her furniture…

  4. anniegirl1138 Says:

    Well, at least you responded to the email with a polite but definite “no”. There are men out there with far less character who would have deleted and then spun tails about being stalked. So, good on you.

    Lots of fish in the sea, as they say, one will swim by eventually that can’t be slotted in convenient cliche rules.

  5. Sally Says:

    hmmm…maybe she started off normal but then them bike shorts just started working their magic on her. Rowr!
    It’s funny how she eliminated so many letters through textspeak, but put them all back by using your name like a gazillion times. She might have made better time by just spelling out VERY for chrissakes.
    Like the kitty on the wire, hang in there gnu. They’re out there.

  6. nursemyra Says:

    yeah I’m with Sally. The grammarian in me hates textspeak, that alone is enough to rule someone out of my (imaginary) potential lover list

  7. Mitzi G Burger Says:

    I think ROE was just a very poor flirter: methinks she just wanted some au naturale outdoorsy shagadelics and muttered sentimentalities instead of no-strings-sweet-nientes.

    All that underwater hyperoxygenation will do funny things to the cranial innards. Divers. So diverse!

  8. thegnukid Says:

    dennis – my thoughts exactly

    hisqueen – you know, i harbored this secret fear that she is actually one of the less crazy of the most crazy. they. are. out. there. and i am intrigued by what your ‘crazy comment’ could’ve been. share by e-?

    daisyfae – yep, i saw that one as well. but, other than the simplistic Rule One/ Rule Two, i’m thinking this dating stuff is really just a free for all without any rules…

    annie – i’m waiting for that fish, but not too patiently. as to saying ‘no’? had to. had a woman i dated a bit ago who just suddenly disappeared… no replies to e-mails or voice mails. couldn’t do that to someone else.

    sally – now, i do look rather dashing in those bike shorts, so maybe you’re right. hanging in the best i can…there’s that ‘patience’ thing.

    mursemyra – yep, agree wholeheartedly. in one of my interminably boring meetings, i wrote a list of show stoppers and the text speak was high on the list. as to your potential lover list being imaginary? only in your mind…the men are pawing at the door. count me as one of those.

    mitzi – i got the impression i could’ve taken her home right away and danced the night away horizontally. but there are limits to how much clinginess i can handle. as daisyfae said so well, i was afraid our next date would’ve been moving her stuff in.

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