The gym I use…well, I intend to use*…is running a contest for the holiday season. Find an exercise/diet buddy (check! got one…) and weigh in. The goal is to gain no more than two pounds a piece over the holiday season. If you succeed, you win an unnamed prize. But the real reason to do this is to not gain too much weight over that holiday season.
You know that season, right? The one with tons of delectable cookies, pies, other high carbs like sweet potatoes. Everything from candy to turkey lures and tempts you for the next 6 weeks. That, coupled with the onset of nasty weather limiting exercise options, is usually death to any diet plan.
Don't wanna be like this
So we have to maintain our cool, eat reasonably, continue to exercise, and not gain more than two…count ’em, 2!!…pounds by the beginning of January.
Exercise buddy and I had to weigh in separately as she was off pretending to learn something or other in a class. But we both agreed that it’d be a good idea to load up the pockets with rocks, drink a gallon or so of water, and think heavy thoughts when we weighed in. Armed with our starting weights, we are set.
Then the gym sweetened the deal a bit. To help us succeed, they’re offering up a contest with more prizes that include a free personal fitness consultation with a trainer. Additionally, one grand prize winner also gets a free, 30 minute therapeutic massage from a licensed massage therapist that works at the gym, plus a ‘fitness goodie bag’. No clue what’s in the goodie bag, but—Sweet!
All we have to do is write a mini-essay (“mini-” meaning it has to be 100 words or less) on why we feel we deserve to win the prize(s).
Diving right into the task, here’s what I wrote up…and submitted already —
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I’m stuck. I need help. I’ve been working on my own at weight loss over the last two years. I’ve done well, shedding 40 pounds. Yet, for the past 6 months, despite watching my diet (counting those calories) and doing at least 4 days—often 6 days—each week of aerobic exercise, I remain stuck at 15 pounds from my goal (that goal being to get to the stated guidelines of ‘healthy weight’ for my height). This has obviously been frustrating and is getting moreso. So, I need help; the help of a professional fitness consultant. Please “unstuck” me.
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100 words on the button. And I think it shows I’m committed to the effort, but just need that extra push that only they can provide.
However, I had to strongly resist the urge to say what I REALLY wanted —
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I want to get laid more. No, really, I NEED to get laid. Okay, I’m not a bad looking guy now, but I still need help getting that last 15 pounds off my waistline. I’m counting that losing the weight and toning the muscles will make the ladies swoon at my physique and throw themselves at me. Losing weight will also give me that extra “optical inch”. And, finally, the cardio work will kick up my endurance as well, so I can go all…night…long. I NEED to get laid!
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Okay, not 100 words, but it surely gets the message across.
Maybe I SHOULD have used that last one.
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*I haven’t used it much, though you’d think I would use it more. It’s right next door to my office. Yeah, I use the excuse that it’s nicer going outside to exercise. But with winter coming on, I have no more excuses.
Tags: bribery prizes, exercise and diet, get (pockets) stuffed, i need to get laid
The Wilds of Ohio 
November 23, 2009 at 00:37 |
Good luck, gnukid.
Honestly, though, the two pound max goal sounds like being set up for failure. It’s just too narrow a margin. Hell, your weight can fluctuate two pounds in a day.
Obviously, I know nothing of your life style and I don’t want to sound like I’m “preaching”, but why does your goal have to be an absolute number in pounds? Why not strive for a “fitness level”, instead?
If you seriously want to reduce pounds, you need to consider more than just “calorie counting”. How much sugar do you consume? Not just granulated sugar, but sugar in all forms, especially HFCS. Do you drink soda? Diet soda? Both are bad.
Everyone is different, and if you’re having not having success with the methods you’re using (Congratulations on the initial successes, btw), then perhaps you should consider changing something.
Just some idle thoughts in response.
Again, good luck with the contest.
November 23, 2009 at 00:42 |
On the other hand, maybe your body is trying to tell you something. I think BME and insurance weight charts are over-rated as measures of health. I would look more toward what’s your blood pressure and resting heart rate. If those are good, screw the last 15 lbs.
BTW it took 3 years after my divorce to get laid. But I made some amazing male friends along the way. It will all work out for you, and hopefully you won’t have to wait as long as I did.
November 23, 2009 at 00:49 |
yeah, i’d go with the last one!
November 23, 2009 at 02:05 |
Can’t you submit them both?
November 23, 2009 at 09:08 |
the second one IS more honest…
November 23, 2009 at 11:03 |
The second one is the best…You’re Thanksgiving dinner is much much more than 2 lbs. I know mine is each year. However no fears this year as hubby and I are alone to celebrate our 3 yr anniversary. I don’t have to cook anything if I don’t want to. Cracker Barrel here we come.
The last 15lbs are always the worst.
November 24, 2009 at 18:59 |
rob – thanks for the luck wish. and, yeah, i’m not doing nearly enough to keep track of kinds of sugars and fats. that FitDay web site i spoke of can do that, but i just look at the overall protein vs. carb vs. fat (vs. alcohol) ratios.
silverstar – there is that. the body does tend to settle into a comfortable place, even if that place isn’t where you want to be. heart rate? good now. BP? better now, but a bit more to go. and it’s not like i’m going totally without sex…but i’d like more…much more.
beaverboosh – damn, your vote came in too late. maybe i should resubmit under an alias?
nursemyra – not thinking so, though i may end up asking just for giggles.
stephanie – yeah, there’s the crux of it. both are honest, but the 2nd is MOST honest
hisqueen – i’m not too concerned about the T-day and Christmas blowouts. those two days won’t make or break my weight goal. it’s the “12 Pounds of Christmas” that will…the never ending snacks and cookies and taste treats that seem to be everywhere you turn in the month between those two holidays.
November 24, 2009 at 19:53 |
We Jews experience a similar struggle during the Rosh Hashana (Jewish New Year period: apart from the one day of fasting on Yom Kippur, there is about a month of 5-course meals prepared by one’s own and other’s mothers. There is challah bread (brioche) studded with fat sultanas, and platefuls of incredibly sumptuous cooking from both Jewish, Euro, Asian and Mod Aus influences. Then there are the desserts, because no Jewish meal is complete without coffee and cake.
Survival tips:
1no matter how snowy and freezing, maintain the exercise regime. A vigorous cardio-boxing class works best.
2. Don’t drink any fruit juice at all unless you squeeze it freshly yourself; don’t drink any fizzy (soda) drinks apart from club soda (“kosher champagne”).
3. Only eat chocolate on weekends; if a celebratory day falls on a weekday, may a brief exception.
4. Brainwash yourself that cookies and snacks are revolting! Remember your precious teeth and spare them undue assault by sugary anythings.
5. Bulk up on salads at family/festival feasts; never have more than one roast potato.
As for getting laid lots, follow the advice of the fisherman of Hokaido and Okinawa and “cast a wide net”.
November 24, 2009 at 21:21 |
“I need to get laid” is the unspoken subtext of all my interactions with the outside world.
November 24, 2009 at 23:04 |
will the personal trainer take care of your needs? i mean “needs”? that would be a bit of allright… i need this contest… where do i sign up?
November 28, 2009 at 11:34 |
Mitzi – welcome to The Wilds. Ride a spell with us. stop it, you’re making me hungry! but, there are a couple survival tips in there i think i can embrace.
renalfailure – you and me both, brother, you and me both. unfortunately, i don’t always let it be ‘sub’ text. nor do i always let it be unspoken. doesn’t go over well with most.
daisyfae – there are a couple trainers at that gym that i’d thoroughly enjoy if they took care of my “needs”. i’ll be happy to share the trainer’s secrets for the exercise/diet side of it as well…hell, i’d be happy to share with you if they take care of my “needs”, too!
December 22, 2009 at 23:13 |
[…] By thegnukid You may recall that I entered a diet contest with Dear Friend awhile ago. Part of that contest was to write up a 100-word reason why we should […]