Archive for June, 2009

Magic Pool

June 26, 2009

Here on scuba vacation, doing my first salt-water dives.  Staying at a fairly nice hotel near town on the waterfront.  On arrival, my companion and I wandered down to the bar to get a celebratory drink for our adventure.  One of the other guests was there, already quit lit up with alcoholic excess.  Dressed in still-wet swimsuit, he loudly cautioned all of our group – – –

“Watch out for that pool…it’ll get you drunk!!”

Last night we finally got to experience the hotel pool…and damned if that guy wasn’t right!

A swim up bar aided in the ‘magic’ of the pool.  And when that bar closed at 5 pm, the next closest bar was glad to give us plastic cups to continue our adventures in alcohol versus pool swimming experimentation*.  Several drinks later (including a chugging contest between two of the other scuba group), and my companion and I were staggering…yes, even in the pool.

“…it’ll get you drunk!”

…and I recommend it highly.


*…also come to find out, this being our first ‘real’ scuba trip, that the nitrogen build up in the system is a great contributor to both easily getting exhausted and, especially, getting drunk faster!


Rule One, Rule Two

June 22, 2009

I introduced my friend, Dr. Jim, in a prior post.

Dr. Jim preceded me in divorcing his 1st wife some 20 years ago.  As me friend, he has in the past and continues to counsel and advise me on life issues, to include my marital issues (culminating, obviously, in my own divorce).

I expressed a concern to him, long ago, about being both alone and lonely—especially the physical and sexual intimacies I knew (and still know) I desired.

He captures the essence of what is likely known by everyone (including me), but put it in terms which were readily understandable and resonate well with me.  It will serve as a touchstone to my dating adventures I’m embarking upon.

While this concept was explained for my benefit, as a man, I am very sure (sorry guys, I am) that it could equally be applied by swapping genders for the following:

Dr. Jim’s “Rules For Women”

Rule ONE:  All women are crazy.  No exceptions.  It is, however, clearly a matter of ‘how much’.


even good looking can't compensate for too crazy

even good looking can't compensate for too crazy


Rule TWO:  You still gotta get laid.





Therefore—you have to balance the degree to which a woman is crazy against the degree to which you gotta get laid.  With this rule, there are clearly some women you should not sleep with.  And, with this rule, there may come a time where you must sleep with someone you shouldn’t have.

Now, obviously, figuring out those “degrees” is the difficult part.  Some women hide their craziness better than others.



Still going to date.

Baselining Capabilities

June 17, 2009

Well…so here I am…divorced.

There’s not really a hurry, but I am thinking about dating.  At least finding some more of the opposite sex to hang out with and do things with—yeah, hopefully including a bit more intimacy.  And, no, honestly, this is not the first I’ve been thinking on this.  It’s been on my mind for quite awhile.  I already do have friends I hang out with, female and male.  Just expanding my horizons a bit, if you will, for more intimate partners in life’s explorations.

So, I’m doing a bit of introspective thought on myself, trying to gauge how to go forward with this dating thing.  And I’ve come up with the following facts (really happened) and potential fiction (could happen, might not).

This is my first time really living alone.   I had a single room in the dormitory at university, but that’s not totally living alone (shared bathrooms, cafeteria eating, etc.).   Between graduation from university and getting married, I sort of lived alone for two months.   But, given I was looking to the marriage and being inundated with a new job, I didn’t really feel like I was living alone.  Now—I am living alone.   It’s all up to me.

When I was in high school, I was a bit overweight—not the fat kid everyone made fun of, but enough so that it gave me self image issues.  Couple that with (or becoming because of?) being painfully shy* and you got someone who never really dated much.  Two semi-steady girlfriends in high school and one steady girlfriend, who I ended up marrying, at university.   So, it’s not that I’m out of practice in dating.  No, more so that I never really learned to date.  And, looking inward, I still see that inexperienced teenager lurking and whispering to the adult me** who is starting into this dating thing.

Now, on the plus side, many of the women my age who are dating are widows or divorced.  As such, they, too, are out of practice in dating***.  Couple all this with 25-35 years of life experience granting (some of) us more wisdom, the basic rules I vaguely knew in high school no longer apply.  And, for now, how to go forward is as yet unknowable to me.   I will be making this up as I go forward.

That said, and in keeping with my promised to myself to try new things, I will date.

I will make mistakes…not maybe, not likely, WILL.  I will have to be patient with my own mistakes.  Likewise, I will have to be patient with others.

I will, without meaning to, occasionally hurt others.  And, likewise, can expect to be hurt.

I must accept that I will be rejected.  And, I must learn to reject, graciously, those who are not right for me.

Whew…… This will be a grand experiment.


*Actually found out later that many people didn’t see me as shy, rather as stuck up.  Go figure…

**”adult me” – HA! please forgive the exaggeration

***I’ve already recognized…and seen personally…the danger here as some of these same women are desperately looking to not be alone and want deep and sincere commitment early.  As my best friend so eloquently put it, they have the “It’s our second date, where should I put my furniture” syndrome.

Harvest Time

June 12, 2009

…as in the “Fruit of my Loins”…

Major transition this weekend.  Girl Child graduates from university!

Over 20 years in the making...

Over 20 years in the making...

Hooplah!  Huzzah!!

Proud Pop, obviously.   Increased a bit by finding out that Daughter Person was recognized by her Political Science department as one of two Top Senior PoliSci students.  She was happy with the $500 honorarium that went along with it.  Extra fun comes in that Boy Child was able to take vacation time and will be flying in just a few hours from this posting.  We’ll get to spend at least a bit of his visit just hanging out together.  Very cool.

Of course, as seemingly typical in my life, there’s no good thing that goes without a bit of boat rocking—and forgive me for sharing this minor downer, but had to share.  Girl Child’s maternal grandparents are coming in for the graduation ceremony.  That’s not a bad thing.  What got my hackles up was a conversation with Boy Child…seems ex-father-in-law sent both he and Girl Child an e-mail which said, “I don’t want to see your father while I’m there.”   While a very fair statement (I’m not exactly thrilled at the chance of seeing him either), the fact that he laid that on my kids—on my daughter’s special day—pissed me off big time.  Both kids, having been raised peacemakers by me, started stressing about how they would have to make that happen.  Boy Child called me and I assured him that I was entirely flexible and had zero demands other than actually seeing Girl Child graduate…I’d even sit alone.  A great relief, as the kids could gauge the situation and make a decision without worrying about what I would think/feel/be angry about.   But, he’s a twit (I like better what my best friend referred him as being – A Douchenozzle!! ).

So, the last of my (known) progeny is soon out of school and officially on her way in life.

I will revel with pride over her accomplishment.  Hell, I am already.

They grow up so (too?) quickly.

Next stop for her? Peace Corps…

Crisis Averted

June 9, 2009

Going through my mail, it’s that time of month where all the bills start pouring in.  Festive budget juggling and calculations ensue.  Creative accounting methods are implemented (when can I pay this bill such that there will be money left to pay that bill today?) to avoid check bouncing, late fees, and dirty looks from neighbors when creditors come prowling the neighborhood in search of me.

Once such bill was from a doctor’s office, for services in treatment of some random malady*.

The bill looked familiar.  I thought I’d paid that a few months before.

Oh. Crap.

a dishonest mistake?

a dishonest mistake?

It was an overdue bill.

The statement emblazoned on the bill:  “Payments on your account are SERIOUSLY** overdue.  You must immediate make a substantial payment.”

Bracing myself further and already mentally recalculating where I could find the funds from, I glanced cautiously down at the “Amount Due” line – – –


So, now I’m confused…if I must make an immediate ‘substantial’ payment on this…how much should I send them?


*Chronic Rhinitis:  “Honest officer, that Rhino was begging for it, dressed the way she was and looking at me like she did…”

**You can tell they’re serious because they capitalized “SERIOUSLY”…otherwise, I’d have just blown them off another few months.

AND Delivered

June 3, 2009

Well, lookie what showed up in the post today… yep, my officially official divorce paperwork.

As said last post, i found on the web that the case was closed and even downloaded the scanned file.  Still, there was this tickle that things weren’t quite done yet.

I had true relief when the papers finally showed up… and a loud “Whoop!!” of joy.

Yeah, there’s still some loose ends to tie up–selling the house being a biggie.  But they’re just loose ends.  Not the frayed fragments of string strewn across the corners of my life.

The relief hasn’t been like a light switch turned on.  Rather, it’s been a slow de-sludging of goo from my life.  It will take time to totally clean myself off.  But today was a big step forward.

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and support.  I could’ve done it without you…but it would have been much harder and lonelier.  A heartfelt thanks!



Signed, Sealed, Undelivered

June 1, 2009

The Spousal Unit finally signed.

She sent me an e-mail 2 days prior to the court mandated date*.  Of course, in that same e-mail was a renewed push for insurance.

Not trusting that she actually signed, given her prior history, I refused to allow myself to get excited by this news.  Rather, I told myself I wanted a paper copy of that decree—signed, certified, and recorded in the county records.

…so I waited…

The court-mandated date passed.  Given time for mail deliveries and administrivia, I did not expect to hear this soon (but was hopeful, nonetheless).

…and I waited…

Not wanting to assist my lawyer in buying her new Porsche, I did not ask her what was going on.  Instead, I looked for other information sources.  And the internet came through for me…

Our county court (and likely just about every one) has a web site of all court actions for public viewing**.  I checked under my name and—yep—there I am.

At first?  No record of the decree being recorded***.

A few days later?  A line had been added!  It said, “FINAL JUDGMENT & DECREE OF DIVORCE FILED AND GRANTED TO BOTH PARTIES”!  But, I still had no paper copy…nor was there a downloadable version on the web site.

Waiting a few days more—finally, a .pdf file.  I downloaded it and printed it immediately.  It had all the signatures (especially the judge’s!) and a stamp on the front saying it was recorded in the county records.

Still, as of today, no “official” mail copy of it…but I’m divorced.

Stuff left to do—asset splitting and selling the house—but…I’m divorced!

…I’m divorced…and out…



*Learned of this date while pinging my lawyer for information (at $$ each ping).  This just increased my ire.
**This will be a good source for checking up on future dating opportunities as well—I can track how many restraining orders have been thrown at potential dates.  I can see if they’ve been arraigned for spousal abuse.  I can even see if they’ve been arraigned for sexual perversions—that latter working both ways in that I can find someone with similar…or intriguing…interests… <grin>
***While not finding my decree, I did find an interesting tidbit where both of our lawyers were threatened with Contempt of Court by the judge because of the delays in getting the decree finalized in a timely manner.  <chuckle>