Trust, But Verify

When last we left our hero, promises were made between The Spouse and myself.  She agreed to sign the divorce decree while I agreed to work the insurance papers.  Additionally, we acknowledged that these were separate, distinct actions.

My job was to fill out papers with my information, plus schedule a physical exam (at insurance expense).  Because of being busy at work…and not being overly invested in getting the insurance…I didn’t get around to working my part until four days after our discussion.  The paperwork was simplistic (date and place of birth, pre-existing issues, et al).  But the insurance folks wouldn’t schedule the physical exam until they had the paperwork AND a two month premium down payment.

That latter required the Spousal Unti to decide just how much insurance she needed on me*, as the premium amount was tied to the coverage amount.

I called her on the phone, prefacing the conversation that I had started the insurance process, but couldn’t continue without her assistance (and money).

Then a little Ronald Reagan history lesson popped in my head – “Trust, But Verify”  <link here:,_but_Verify&gt;

GnuKid:  “…by the way, you signed the divorce decree, right?”

Spousal Unit:  “No.**”

GK:  <through gritted teeth> “Why not?”

SU:  “I was waiting on you to finish the insurance before I signed.”

Seething outrage.

I told her this was absolutely unacceptable, given our prior promises made just a few days before.  I reminded her of the agreement made and pointed out that I WAS working the insurance.  I went on to say she would have to, from here out, deal with my lawyer.

She started defending herself, but I cut her off with, “You’ll have to tell that to my lawyer.  Goodbye…”

As I was reaching to the call disconnect button, I heard her say, “Well, if you PROMISE…”


I hung up.  Angry.  I DID promise four days prior.  My lead in to the conversation confirmed I was working it!


Now the damn lawyers are back in it…more money down the drain.

But, comma, I will NOT be manipulated like that by her…


*…and, recall, she has NEVER actually sat down and honestly determined what she needs—not ‘wants’ emotionally, but actually needs.

**The speed and ease in her response struck me as confrontational and proud.  This just fueled my anger.

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8 Responses to “Trust, But Verify”

  1. beaverboosh Says:

    Hey there, it is not fun when you move into protracted negotiations with business partners. With a soon to be ex- it must be emotionally humuliating, especially when all that is required is a signature. Always Verify!

  2. silverstar98121 Says:

    I know it’s money down the drain, but I really think you are going to have to drag the lawyers in with this woman. And since you are of an age, when she gets around to knowing what the premium for insurance for you will be, she may decide she doesn’t need it. Or will try to get you to pay for it. Nuts to that. I know her brain is not working right, she can’t really think through the whole thing. She needs a financial adviser who will tell her what she will need to live. *sigh* I either want to slap her, or send her a case of Alpo. I hear it’s not bad mixed with noodles.

  3. daisyfae Says:

    Have your lawyer suggest she use some of the alimony to buy a fucking clue… gotta be frustrating. But the lawyers shall sort it all out… and make another car payment….

  4. silverstar98121 Says:

    @Daisy Fae- god I wish I’d thought of that line.

  5. Dolce Says:

    Oh noes Gnu…sorry 😦

  6. hisqueen Says:

    no no no no….no your lawyer..If it is that important that the kids be taken care of have the lawyer write up your will and make sure that they are the sole beneficiaries on it. Then get your own insurance policy and put their names on it. My old neighbor died young after his divorce. He never changed his life insurance to say his mother(who he lived with) and his ex got all the money. The ex took the money bought her new husband a car and went on vacation with it. The 3 kids saw none of it and his mom had to pay for his funeral and his bills out of her own pocket. DON”T GIVE HER ANYTHING..please if you don’t listen to anything else from me, trust me on this one…Talk to your lawyer…it’s worth the expense in the long run. PLEASE

  7. Empress of Stank Says:

    The money will be worth it when the signing actually goes down. Stay firm–and I don’t just mean you-know-where!! 🙂

  8. Stephanie of Stopbouncing Says:

    99% of lawyers give the rest of them a bad name.

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