Held Hostage

So, The Spouse wants insurance on me in case I die so she won’t be left ‘destitute’…

The first thing that comes to my mind?  Creepy.  Just waiting on the hit man who will be, for a fee, more than happy to help her collect on that insurance.

i'm sure he'd look like this, too

i'm sure he'd look like this, too

This was not part of the agreement we made and presented to the judge.  But, The Spouse also played a trump card along with her request.

“I need the insurance because I don’t want to be a burden on the kids if you were to die.”


I worried about many things in making the decision to divorce her.  The last and only thing that I cared about in this whole process?  My kids.

The Spouse said she would pay the premiums.  While it was feeling as if I had a price tag on my head, it would be helping out my kids in case something did happen.

So, I started the process…very slowly.  Part of that was I still feel it’s got the creepiness factor.   Part of that was being pretty busy at work, when I would be able to work with the insurance people.

She was anxious, being frightened of being destitute (grrrr…still angry on mis-use of that word) and kept asking how I was doing on the process.  I allowed how I was working and she was not, so be patient and I would get to it as soon as I could.

Then I got the e-mail…

“GnuKid, I don’t feel comfortable with this insurance thing hanging out unresolved.  I’m afraid I can’t see my way to signing the divorce decree until you get that taken care of.”


I called her immediately, telling her that she was threatening me.  She denied she was doing so.  I countered that she was holding the divorce decree—totally a separate issue from the insurance—as a hostage for me doing that insurance.  She continued to deny any wrongdoing.  So, knowing her fears of not having enough money, I  told her, “Fine, two can play that game.  I refuse to work the insurance until you sign the decree.  How does that feel?  Expect to hear from my lawyer.*”

She called me twice and left an e-mail asking if we could talk and avoid having to involve the lawyers.  Trying to be reasonable, I agreed.  We talked about her fears.  I talked about how the fears were baseless, especially since she has NEVER run the numbers to prove she will be destitute**.  We talked about how the divorce and the insurance request were two separate things.  In the end, I promised to work the insurance, within my work constraints, and she promised to sign the decree.


So… what do you think?  Did I do okay on this?  Reasonable and thoughtful and all?***


*Childish?  Maybe.  As I said, I was outraged.

**True fact…never.  I’ve sat down with her and tried to run the numbers—how much do you have in investments, how much will you get if I’m gone, how much do you need (NOT want), each year—and she refuses to listen.  She’s operating totally on emotional guess work.

***Damn straight there’s more to this story… just felt like leaving it here for now.

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9 Responses to “Held Hostage”

  1. daisyfae Says:

    hitmen are unimaginative… somehow setting it up so that you “accidently” expire under a pile of hookers at a legionaires convention? she’d at least earn some of it that way…

  2. anniegirl1138 Says:


  3. silverstar98121 Says:

    Yes, it does sound creepy. Especially to those of us who have a sister that’s minding the CD that is our only “investment.”It’s that brain thing, I guess. My empathy to you. Take out a policy on her, too, so that you can have a damned nice weekend if she goes first. In her case that’s all they will insure her for.

  4. nursemyra Says:

    this is making my divorce look like a match made in heaven. the only asset my ex and I had was a 2 bedroom apartment that we rented out. It was negatively geared so neither of us got any income from it.

    He sold it 7 years after the divorce and gave me a very generous percentage even though I didn’t ask for anything. It pays to stay friends

    He even gave me the cat back last year 😉

  5. The Unbearable Banishment Says:

    You’re making me ultra-paranoid of divorce. Not that I’m on the threshold of one–I’m not–but there are no guarantees in life and I sure wouldn’t want to go through something like this.

  6. Pickles Says:

    Strangely, considering, it seems she is still harboring resentment at this whole thing and wants to just poke you with a stick because she can. While takikng care of the kids if something happens to you is never a bad idea, it somehow seems not as genuine and selfless as it should from her side. And more like…poking at you. With a stick.

  7. Stephanie of Stopbouncing Says:

    should your hitman be Jason Statham, I will be your body-double and you can go to the Bahamas or Mexico or SLC.

  8. leavingevangeline Says:

    DON’T DO IT!!!!! Maybe I’ve watched one too many “Snapped” episodes on the Oxygen channel…but, seriously, don’t do it. Creepy to the 10th power, says I.

    My advice, if you truly feel obligated/guilted/threatened/whatevs: Take out a life insurance policy with your kids as the ONLY beneficiaries. I don’t really know all the ins and outs of insurance…are your kids considered “adults” yet? If not, I think an insurance policy can be set up as a trust until they are “of age”.

    I know I don’t really know you (in “real” life)….but…I mean…crap!! GRRRRRR! If there is one thing I cannot stand, it’s guilt manipulation. What a stupid, bullshit, cowardly way for a person to get what they want.

    On a side note: Hi!

  9. hisqueen Says:

    don’t do it…if the papers have already gone to court there is nothing else to sign…If she is so worried about the kids she won’t mind if you put them both down as your beneficiaries and not her.

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