As mentioned in last post, we agreed to a settlement for the Divorce vice letting the court do the splitting of assets and income.  The (ex-?) Spousal Unit said she agreed in the pre-meeting as well as in front of the judge.  Although I thought the alimony we agreed to was on the high side, I was anxious enough to get the deal done that I agreed to her best-and-final offer to me.

Mr. Kliban said it best...

Mr. Kliban said it best...

All that was left was to split the assets per the agreement, which required the papers be signed and registered.  When the papers came to my lawyer, I hightailed it to her office and, after reviewing the words, signed right away.  My lawyer signed as well, and then it was sent off to Spousal Unit’s lawyer for their signatures.

Now, I have to preface what’s coming next with the foregone knowledge that the Spousal Unit has always been a bit anal about money.  We didn’t go on vacations much or buy anything other than the basics, saving instead to buy the next car or kid’s college or, mostly, for that elusive retirement somewhere out in the future.  All of these things are good things to save for, admittedly.  But one of the thorns in the marriage was that I always felt we were living for the future way too much instead of enjoying the present.  But, whether the Spousal Unit was bitten by a penny when she was growing up or whatever, she was always tight with a dollar.

Then someone (lawyer?  Family member?)…or something (aliens?  Dead family members?)…whispered in her ear.

In a conversation not long after the court date, The Spouse hit me with, “Your father died young*.  You likely will to, then I will be left destitute.”


That.  Bothered.  Me.  Big time.  And I called her on it.

I have friends who earn just twice as much as the national poverty level**.  Some own houses, have cars, and seem to enjoy the hell out of life on a very limited budget.

Spousal Unit, on the other hand, has convinced herself she will be eating Alpo and living in a one room apartment.  This despite the reality that she is doing just fine.  Because of her disability , coupled with her foresight of buying disability insurance***, she is making WELL over the poverty level just for waking up in the morning… not including the significant moneys I will be paying her in retirement and alimony.  Now, admittedly, if I died, the latter would cease…yet it is still leaving her with her disability insurance, not to mention a handsome inheritance she received from her grandmother which I could not—nor did not want to—touch in the asset division at the Divorce.

This conversation repeated a few times over the next week.  Each time I called her on her misinterpretation of the word “destitute”.  And, finally, I called her on the “you’ll die young because your father did” illogic.  That was a little mean because her mother passed away at 50 and I said to her, “Well, then you should already be dead!”  Softened it by going on to point out that, while I understand her family is typically long lived, so is mine.  She had aunts who survived into their early 90s.  I pointed out that all of my father’s siblings are either still alive in their late 80s with an aunt who recently passed at the age of 90.

But, it was like shooting a BB gun off of the armor of a battleship.  Didn’t seem to make any impression on her whatsoever.

So…what does she now ask for?

She wants to take out an insurance policy on me…

<very heavy sigh>

I’m getting the feeling already that this is not going to end well…stand by for more…


*Yes, he did die young…at 55 -1/2 years of age.  A smoker and non-exerciser, he had a coronary.

** In the US, for 2009, the poverty level for one person is $10,830.

***Well, see?  I guess her being anal about money did come in handy in this respect.

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11 Responses to “Destitute”

  1. silverstar98121 Says:

    I’m less than twice the poverty level (which needs to be doubled in my opinion) and I’m not eating Alpo yet. You’d think that anyone that tight with a dollar could make what tiny alimony you’ve granted her do very well. She would have made a good financial planner.

  2. nursemyra Says:

    Who is paying for the insurance policy? If she wants it, she pays, right?

  3. The Unbearable Banishment Says:

    B. Kliban! What ever happened to that guy?! He made a fortune drawing cat cartoons. Then–pfft!–gone.

    Does it ever end “well?” For Bruce and Demi, perhaps, but not for us mere mortals.

  4. Sassy Miss P Says:

    Why not just return the favour? Whatever the value of the insruance on you, double it on her. Quid pro quo? Or am I just being nasty?

  5. Stephanie of Stopbouncing Says:

    Dude, I so hope you don’t end up in a ditch or something… this sounds like an episode of Dateline.

  6. kyknoord Says:

    What Stephanie said. My ex also insisted on the insurance policy as part of the settlement. Paranoia? Oh, yeah!

  7. daisyfae Says:

    i really don’t like the concept of being worth more to anyone dead than alive… which is why my children have no idea what my life insurance is worth.

  8. thegnukid Says:

    silverstar – she would make a good financial planner…if all you intended to do was save money “just in case”, then leave it all to your kids, not having enjoyed life at all.

    nursemyra – yep, she will pay for it…see the next post

    UB – no, i don’t think it ends well for anyone (neither for Kliban, who passed away awhile back…and, yes, great qat cartoons). consider this a cautionary tale.

    Miss P – hmmm, not a bad idea. though, i do sort of have that in that, if she were to…ummm…expire, then the alimony would revert back to me.

    stephanie – one of the reasons i’m telling all of you. that way, when the police come searching, i expect all your fingers to point to The Spousal Unit here in The Wilds

    kyknoord – i lucked out a bit in that it was NOT part of the divorce settlement. so she has zero legal leverage to make me do it…

    daisyfae – just to be on the safe side, i suggest you change the beneficiary on your insurance to me… wouldn’t want the kiddies going wild when they find out, right? [rubbing hands together with evil chuckling]

  9. hisqueen Says:

    If the kids are over 18 it’s up to you to get the insurance policy but it should be left to them. If not: get the policy, put it in the kids names with a guardian different than your ex and let her know. That is what we are working on right now. No way we want our free wheeling, money hungry ex’s getting their hands on money meant for the kids college and such.. oh yeah, no way in hell are any of them knowing what we are worth dead….gives ‘um the wrong ideas.

  10. leavingevangeline Says:

    Hah! Hisqueen had the same idea I did (see next post’s comment)! Except, HQ is waaaaay smarter than me!

    And, I’m just gonna comment as if you were sitting in front of me confiding all these things…I mean, I wanted to censor myself…but you put this out here…so here i go:

    TELL HER TO GET A FRIGGIN JOB AND TAKE CARE OF HER OWN DAMN SELF. And, I’m sorry…I realize she’s “disabled” and whatnot…but I know real, actual people that are seriously disabled that actually WORK. Now, I’m not saying they are livin’ large…really, they don’t even make enough to lose their disability payments, etc., but they are doing what they can to help themselves.

    You are not her husband anymore and you do not owe her anything other than what the law demands from you. Don’t let her rob any more JOY from your life…she’s still controlling with guilt. Your divorce is meaningless if she doesn’t let you go…if she continues to haunt/hound you.

    Do what’s right for you and your kids….but give yourself permission to move on.

    AND: You will live a long, long life. I just know it.

  11. leavingevangeline Says:

    P.S. Feel free to delete my comment. 🙂

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