Timely Advice

As mentioned earlier, The Boy is a good communicator with a great vocabulary. As such, I fully expected him to become a lawyer or some such. I was surprised, then, when he told me that he decided to join the Air Force. Family tradition and all, but it still surprised me.

After graduation from university, he was assigned to train to be a missile officer… yes, the fruit of MY loins—with half of my chromosomes running rampant, controlling his thought processes—was going to be one of the guys with his finger on the key of our nuclear arsenal. Scared yet? Well I am. Now are you scared? *

On arrival at his training, they (you know [mysterious music plays]…”THEY”) gave him a stack of technical manuals big enough to fill a small suitcase. No, he didn’t have to memorize them. But he did have to become familiar enough with them to be able to find any section quickly. And, being a focused student, dove into that task and started reading.

Early into his training, The Boy sent me an e-mail with an important safety tip we all should read and heed:

Per the Manual: “Do NOT use nuclear weapons to troubleshoot equipment faults”.

The Boy writes further: “In case you were considering it, you should know that it is officially forbidden. You can tell they are serious because they capitalized ‘NOT.'”

I thanked The Boy profusely for this advice and told him it was quite timely as I was *just* about to troubleshoot a broken water heater with a spare nuclear warhead I have laying about in my basement. [Whew!] That was close.

So, I pass along this information in hopes that you take that safety tip to heart the next time your toaster acts up.


*Okay, that was typed for the giggle effect. Yeah, I’m his Father, very biased in his favor, and proud of him. But, besides that, I feel very secure that he is the right guy—attitude, brains, and, especially, ethics—for this job.


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9 Responses to “Timely Advice”

  1. hisqueen1 Says:

    Damn…I was keeping a spare one to deal with my car when it finally acts up. Now what do I do with it??
    How proud you must be that he went to university first. It always seems easier to just jump into the Services without going to school..but it really helps the pay scale to get a degree first (not to mention your rank)(great job w/ the kid..loins..nothing..it’s all about the brains)
    Wonder if they added the “not” as bold capitals after one of the “Bushes” excursions in the White House..

  2. silverstar98121 Says:

    Playing to the lowest common denominator there. You know, the people for whom they print on your coffee lid CAUTION: may be hot. But I’m glad your kid found it, and will abide by it.

  3. Stephanie of Stopbouncing Says:

    *scribble* “Do not use nuclear weapons…”

  4. daisyfae Says:

    i’ve only been tempted to use them once, on a misbehaved computer. fortunately, the nukes weren’t working either…

  5. leavingevangeline Says:

    You’re so cute and paternal. I can feel the warmth of your proudly beaming face from here. Or is that radioactivity from the nuke in your basement?

    Truth is, I actually know people that need the “not” in all caps. Luckily, they aren’t in charge of anything more dangerous than a fax machine…

  6. Rob Says:

    Ummm……was that TACTICAL nukes or STRATEGIC nukes that I should NOT use when troubleshooting…..?

    “Greetings Professor Falkin. Would you like to play a game?”

  7. nursemyra Says:

    that’s mind boggling

  8. The Unbearable Banishment Says:

    Your loins…missile officer…I get it. It’s a play on words. Right? I likee.

  9. thegnukid Says:

    hisqueen – aw, hell, just leave it in the car. you may need it to handle a flat tire or something obvious that doesn’t need troubleshooting, right?

    silverstar – [laughing] i’m sharing that with him… “lowest common denominator”… that’ll teach him! (and, yeah, i know what you mean about idiotic warnings)

    stephanie – now you put that in an obvious place, dear. wouldn’t want to lose that note. how about the refrigerator? at the least, it would make a good party conversation starter.

    daisyfae – so YOU’RE the lowest common denominator … but, wait… you’re nukes don’t work? hisqueen has a spare one that you could troubleshoot that one with…

    evangeline – yeah, unashamedly proud of him. he’s a great kid. and i am definitely stealing that “…aren’t in charge of anything more dangerous than a fax machine” line.

    rob – easy, there. let’s not be labeling things like that. how would you feel if you were STRATEGIC and someone called you TACTICAL? Can’t we all just get along? (and good movie!)

    nursemyra – true that. it’s a bit sad, but seems to be the way of things here. hopefully it’s not that way in Oz.

    t.u.b. – well, i didn’t intend it to be (damn, should’ve lied and said i DID)… but that is pretty funny, now that you mention it.

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