Womanhood

I am in the midst of struggling…yeah, that’d be a good descriptor word…struggling through a long term weight-loss goal.  Proud to say that in the past two years I’ve lost over 536 pounds!  Okay, 500 of those were the over-and-over lost pounds…lose 5 pounds, gain 9 pounds, lose 10, gain 8, etc., but still, I’m going in the right direction.

On a recent long drive, I called the Girl Child to chat.  Here’s a snippet of that conversation –

GC:  So, how is the diet going?

Me:  Not so good of late.  I feel like I’ve been foraging and scavenging way too much.  Eating all the time.  I’m blasting past my daily calorie goals.  Makes me grumpy.

GC:  Sounds as if you are PMS-ing.*

Me:  Yeah, I thought as much myself…as good an explanation as any.

GC:  Dad, I’m so proud!  You’re finally becoming a woman!

After a good chuckle between us, my mind flashed back to those old training films from the 1950s.  The ones with names like “Syphilis and You”, “Prom Night Pregnancy”, and “Mom, Why Do I Feel Funny In My Basement?”.  You know the ones…the family or girl or boy express an oversimplified problem, then cock their heads quizzically.  Then the plastic narrator man with the narrow tie… or sometimes it’s the scientist or doctor looking guy in the lab coat, who always started his lines, with, “So, you’re <insert issue or problem here>…”.  I shared this with the Girl Child, explaining this, then shared, in that plastic narrator voice—

Me:  “So, you’re finally becoming a woman.  Congratulations!  Now, there will be many changes over the next months… let’s talk about them…”

GC:  Okay, stop!  Now!  Ewww….

…well…she started it…

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

*Amazingly, this is not the first time I’ve heard this.

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7 Responses to “Womanhood”

  1. kyknoord Says:

    There’s no time to lose – commit all the crimes you can manage before the transformation becomes too obvious. They’ll never catch you, because they’ll be looking for a man.

  2. silverstar98121 Says:

    Hmmm, I knew there was something different about you. Scary.

  3. hisqueen1 Says:

    They do operations for that over seas……is there something you wanted to reveal to us about the real reason for being gone so long….we feed that Raptor for a long time…
    love the way you can chat to the kids….says alot about your ability to move forward in life after divorce/near divorce…
    keep it up…..
    (get your mind out of the gutter….i mean with talking to the kids)

  4. Sassy Miss P Says:

    “Syphilis and You”, “Prom Night Pregnancy”, and “Mom, Why Do I Feel Funny In My Basement?”.
    Frigging hell.
    That’s enough to scare anyone off sex for like ever.

  5. anniegirl1138 Says:

    Weight issues is not where I would recommend jumping on the bandwagon, but welcome anyway.

  6. daisyfae Says:

    Welcome to Hell, where the local time is “Shit! Did i REALLY eat that entire bag of Cool Ranch Doritos by myself?”

  7. Women’s League « The Wilds of Ohio Says:

    […] I’m sure after reading one of my recent posts, so closely followed by this one, some of my readers are starting to question just what the hell is […]

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