Dip Top

…and there was great cheering…

Yesterday was the last day for one of the enginerds in my office. 

We called him ‘Dip Top’. 

Dip Top is 40-something and going gray.  As many do, he decided to color his hair to hide the gray.  But…he sucked at coloring his hair.  It usually looked like someone grabbed him by the ankles and dipped him in a tub of coal tar, leaving just enough gray showing to highlight the fact he was coloring…poorly.  Now, as to that “…grabbed him by the ankles…” line?  Not likely possible as he is a hefty 300 pounds.  Most of it around his middle.  I mention it only to complete the picture of the guy.

So, what things endeared this spritely little fellow to us office minions?

–  Dip Top was convinced he was God’s gift to the office, confused that we had lasted so long without him.  He openly announced his intentions…nay, his due right and expectations to a promotion.

–  Dip Top was consulting other teams in the organization, just like the rest of us.  But, any time there was a meeting, he would conveniently find an excuse that would require one of the rest of us to take his place.  After all, we had the organization’s good name to protect.  When he couldn’t finagle one of us to take the meeting, he would often show up late.

–  And that ‘late’ thing?  Sure, we all…on occasion…will show up to work a few minutes or leave a few minutes early.  Dip Top made a game of showing up half an hour late and leaving half an hour early as many days as he could.

–  He was a permanent student.  My organization demands we keep up with our training by taking the OCCASIONAL class.  Dip Top spent every moment available taking classes.  Obviously, he was unable to support the teams he was assigned as a result.  And we would have to pick up the slack.

–  Having arranged a long range date with a lady on the opposite side of the world (using the company phone), he began to set up his vacation plans… again, on the company phone  Finding that he could not find any of his family to care for his 8-year old son, he began going around the office to try and get one of us to care for the kid – – for two weeks.  Okay, yeah, if we liked the guy, we might consider a few days…but a couple weeks?  And we didn’t like him?  Uh-uh.

–  Other than the rest of us having to do his job (while he still lays claim to deserving a promotion), there are other ‘stories’.  But the topper – – –

Dip Top has no manners to speak of.  Specifically, I’m talking about audible bodily functions.  He will think nothing of—right in the middle of a meeting–ripping off a rumbling fart, follow it with a meaty belch, and then?  Well, “…and then…” nothing.  No apology.  Life goes on.  Maybe this is okay in some parts of the world, but I can’t imagine what part of the world that would be (so, enlighten me, o pan-continent e-readers, as to whether I’m just naïve).  This is a business operation.  With customers and everything.  This aural exhibit of bodily noises is not a once-in-awhile thing.  It is daily…and often.  The cube neighbor I referred to earlier gives us frequent updates…too frequent.  We can only imagine what our customer thinks of these resounding and random displays.

Dip Top has refused to leave the organization, at least not without the promotion he feels he deserves.  But no one else in the business complex wants him promoted.

But, finally, we found someone who will take him.  And we finally have a boss who will make him leave our office.  And he is finally leaving.  And we can finally try to regain our customer base.

I’m sure some (many?) of you have similar people working in your businesses.  Hopefully you, too, will be able to wish them a ‘bon voyage’.

Buh-bye, Dip Top.

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15 Responses to “Dip Top”

  1. nursemyra Says:

    Ick – he sounds like several of my patients. don’t be sending him here will you?

  2. silverstar98121 Says:

    OK, tell the truth, you’re the one who has been writing Where is Bob? on the side, aren’t you?

  3. Miss P Says:

    Dear Gnu
    You’ve been nominated!
    Love ya too!
    Miss P

  4. kyknoord Says:

    Sounds like he has Intestinal Tourette Syndrome. How are you ever going to cope without him?

  5. daisyfae Says:

    you say “enginerd” like that’s a bad thing… he’s not geeky enough to truly be one of us. did anyone ever do the “can of lysol over the top of the cube everytime he rips one” technique?

  6. Stephanie of Stopbouncing Says:

    I can only hope you’ve hired Rip Taylor to follow him out of the building…

  7. UncleKeith Says:

    He sounds like a guy I used to work with. His name isn’t Lee is it?

  8. Dolce Says:

    Karma’s a bitch. Gotta love it. *grin*

  9. thegnukid Says:

    nursemyra – no, dear, i’m thinking you have your hands full already. and “don’t send him here” seems to be a mantra when i talk to business compatriots. his reputation precedes him.

    silverstar – ahh! it DOES sound like him. no, Dip Top is not an IT enginerd. but, see? others have to suffer as well. they’re out there everywhere.

    Miss P – awww, shucks, you shouldn’t have. no, really… you shouldn’t have. (but thanks all the same! you rock!!).

    kyknoord – i will cope in silence and odorific neutrality. ahhhhh….. what a relief!

    daisyfae – he’s an enginerd by training only…got some “professional engineer” title, too. but he’s got no skillz. as to the lysol? well, febreze was used once. clueless to that as well.

    stephanie – [laughin’] we’ve already changed the locks so he can’t get back in.

    unclekeith – goes by the nickname “Ug”? nope, not him. Dip Top has spent his entire working (sic) life here at this corporate site. i’m hoping not to run into him again.

    dolce – she’s a mean, nasty bitch… but are you saying i deserved having to work with him? ouch!

  10. Miss P Says:

    I’m hoping you make it into the finalist list …. shebee has promised to reveal all about her top 10 list … 🙂

  11. thegnukid Says:

    Miss P – me too, but not holding my breath. that’d make me blue. will have to go wander by shebee’s site.

  12. Sigh « The Wilds of Ohio Says:

    […] The Wilds of Ohio Riding the Range of the Midwest Frontier « Dip Top […]

  13. Dolce Says:

    No no no….I mean, finally he’s off to new places to annoy… and the old bitch will get him in the end! Seriously.

  14. thegnukid Says:

    dolce – no, dear, i knew that. just playing. still grinning that the old bitch will get him in the end. and hoping her beautiful sister will meet me at the end.

  15. Rescue Buddy « The Wilds of Ohio Says:

    […] was accosted a couple days ago by Dip Top. After a couple minutes, I became concerned because A did not appear to get my signal that I needed […]

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