I’ve not played along with Song Lyric Thursdays, though have enjoyed reading such on, for example, Rob’s and Uncle Keith’s blogs. Neither do I automatically do all memes or tags, though will get tickled by the occasional one that I will play along.
But, after a recent night out and given the season and all, I feel compelled to join in for this Song Lyric Thursday.
Invited by my good theater friend, DK, to another benefit, I got to see the Rubi Girls again. Having seen them at Masquerage, I was expecting a similar show. What I didn’t know was that, because of all the other stuff going on, they had to severely limit the time and content of the show at Masquerage.
This. Was. A. Hoot.
They performed for almost 3 hours straight. They don’t just lip-synch to women’s songs, but rather play act as well. Results are intended to be, and are, great fun. One song in particular had tears of laughter rolling down my face.
So, in honor of the holiday season, may I present my first offering to Song Lyric Thursday. The song this is satirizing is titled Santa Baby and has been sung seductively by the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, and the Pussycat Dolls. Someone decided it was time to do a parody. It is not remotely politically correct on numerous levels, but that was intended as part of this mockery, so consider that before feeling offended – – –
Santa’s Baby
(Jackie Beat)
Like wow!
I’m gonna be the mother of, Santa’s baby.
He put it in me Christmas Eve night!
This slut.
Got drunk and now she’s pregnant with, Santa’s baby.
A bastard child, but at least it’s white!
“What? We can’t say that? Oh, well, we’ll cut it out!”
Oh, when I heard that: “Ho, ho, ho!”.
I spread my legs beneath the mistletoe.
Then, Santa had his way with me.
Even though I was screaming: “No, no no!”.
Hey, wait a minute.
Santa raped me!
He took advantage of a young girl!
The world, has got to know the ugly truth.
How, Santa raped me, even though I tried to put up a fight.
“And, don’t you for second say I was asking for it, because I was wearing a mini-skirt and a tube top!”
Santa’s baby, will make it hard to ever erase.
That face, all fat and jolly, sweatin’ on me!
Santa’s baby is gonna wreck my life at my thighs!
Too late.
Santa’s baby, is growing like a cancer. I fear, right here!
It’s gonna look just like him.
Somebody take me. And get this baby outta my sight!
“Do you have 50 bucks I could borrow? No?”
I got excited, I couldn’t wait.
The moment my monthly curse was late.
Now, it’s a gift I’ll never regret.
It’s worse than late fruit cake, ’cause it’s date rape!
Santa’s baby, he came down the chimney.
Then, came in me.
I’d make a lousy single mom, so.
Santa’s baby, is gonna get aborted tonight!
But, thanks to the conservative right.
I’ve got to say I was raped that night.
Thank you!
Tags: DK, life, perverted santa, random, rubi girls, song lyric thursday
The Wilds of Ohio 
December 19, 2008 at 00:48 |
Naughty, naughty! I could just see Santa giving her a gift she didn’t want. Perhaps he needs a good spanking.
December 19, 2008 at 08:12 |
Santa must be draggin’ his bag of toys through a trailer park…. Tube tops, painted on jeans (with muffin tops) and a nice pair of stilettos never go out of fashion here!
December 19, 2008 at 09:03 |
@ Dais – muffin top image – EWWWW!
Gnu…I think this is the kinda Christmas musak I could get into!
December 19, 2008 at 18:20 |
That was just disturbing.
December 20, 2008 at 18:16 |
hell in a handcart for you baby
December 21, 2008 at 14:09 |
silverstar – now you’re talking! hairbrush or bare hands?
daisyfae – yeah, but just what those “toys” are can be quite disturbing. battery operated, no doubt.
dolce – there’s more in that venue (e.g., “walkin’ round in women’s underwear” to the tune of “walkin’ in a winter wonderland”), but this one is the most disturbing of the bunch
annie – well said. but felt the need for a bit of shock value. ’tis the season and all that rot, you know.
nursemyra – i hear there’s gonna be some most excellent company there, including a hot bartendress.
December 21, 2008 at 16:55 |
yep, me and daisyfae already have our tickets
December 22, 2008 at 06:31 |
Hmm.
Seen elsewhere, but worth sharing:
Top Ten Christmas Carols heard ’round the group therapy room.
1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and…..
6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder — Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy – can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder –Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Merry Christmas my friend, mwah xxx
December 22, 2008 at 09:55 |
I was thinking ping-pong paddle.
December 23, 2008 at 00:56 |
nursemyra – let’s just not have to use them too soon. there’s more fun to be had here. we’ll get there soon enough
parenthesis – unfortunately, i can relate to about 9 on the list. i’ll leave it to you to figure out which one doesn’t apply… and a big ‘mwah’ back
silverstar – ooo, an expert. you know what would sting best. grrrrrr…
December 23, 2008 at 04:56 |
Only 9? I figure 3 probably features low down on your list, if at all? *grin*
December 23, 2008 at 15:06 |
I love the classics.