Archive for December, 2008

The Eyes Have It

December 31, 2008

Last night I joined some of my theater and work peeps at the local drinkery.  A few new (gnu?) faces there, including one young guy who was home from University and, as a theater type, was invited along by my friend DK.

After mumblety drinks in a short time span, we were soon quite toasted happy and, as often happens then, conversations go in strange and wondrous directions.

Aside from two of the geekier members of the party having a race to see who could use their iPhone fastest to Google “Rusty Trombone” and “Cleveland Steamer” and “Dirty Sanchez”, one of the seven simultaneous conversations revolved around the relative creepiness of cows and goats. 

 We always often on occasion buy appetizers to share around the table* and one of the better (a very close second to the curry fries) is the goat cheese spread with pita bread.  Gooey, gloppy, warm goodness that goes with just about** any beer served there.  Talk of goats led the young guy to start off on the cows v. goats tirade.  When offered some of the goat cheese, he declined, claiming that goats were evil hell spawn, and would stick with cheese from its ‘proper’ source – cows.


Young Guy (YG):  Well yeah… look, who worships cows?  Hindus.  They’re good and peaceful people.  So the cow must be good and peaceful.  Now, who uses goats in their worship?  Satanists!  Goats equate to evil and meanness.  And, if you need more proof?  Look at the eyes of the cow and the goat…  when you look in a cow’s eyes, you see this peaceful, calming gaze returned to you.  Now, look in the eyes of the goat… you can almost feel him plotting to hurt you.  You can see the fire and brimstone lurking there.  Therefore, any product from that animal…like goat cheese…must be evil and wicked as well.  Part of Satan’s sinister plot to fatten the world***.  I won’t eat goat cheese!

 Much laughter ensued through the whole thing.  But it got us thinking…


safe and peaceful

safe and peaceful






evil lurks here

evil lurks here

 Makes you wonder just what they’re teaching at University nowadays…

 …and, yeah, okay… the goat cheese was STILL delicious! 

And we got a couple free drinks and appetizers because we were the most fun table!

 …and, by the way, while doing research for this, I found you can get your artificial goat eyes  

 …and you can get your preserved cow eyes for $13.50/10 (& cow uterus, testicles, and more!) 

 Ain’t science and the interweb wonderful?


*There’s a certain ‘nobility of dieting’ by claiming you are “sharing” food, when in actuality we are using it as an excuse to buy the high-calorie taste extravaganzas for ourselves.  By claiming we are sharing (okay, yeah, we do…some), we can justify getting the taste treats we want while thinking that the calories we don’t want skitter across the table to the other people, thereby leaving us weight-gain-less!  In other words?  We are totally fooling ourselves.

 **This is one of those places that prides itself in having a couple dozen international brews on tap, complete with their marketing mugs unique to that beer, plus another couple dozen brands found only in bottles.  I said “…just about…” because, quite honestly?  Some of those beers taste rather revolting disgusting puke-arific questionable.

 ***…or his selected minions.  And a few of us around the table are already on Satan’s list, having reservations and hand baskets at the ready when we’re done here on earth.


Baby’s First Christmas

December 29, 2008

Yep, this was it. 

 I was wondering how it would go.  My first Christmas ‘by myself’.  My worry lobe kicked in and i wondered if i’d be lonely, morose, disconnected…

And, happily to say, it went pretty well.  With much help from friends and Daughter Person…and some introspective self-preparation…I didn’t find myself wallowing in the muck of self-despair, wailing at my solitude.  And I’m pretty damned happy about that. 

 Things that helped out a lot – –

            I felt it a good thing to actually put up a tree and decorate some around the house instead of just going into denial that there was a holiday going.  Girl Child, though I know it was conflicting her, helped me pick out the Christmas tree – “Baby’s First Christmas Tree”.   She also gave a hand at putting up my very limited decorations.  I thought it was cute that she tried to put something Christmassy  in every room.  We deferred putting lights and ornaments on the tree until it ‘blossomed’ a bit (and, honestly, I think Girl Child was glad to not have to help with that as it would’ve emphasized the separation). 


ooo pretty

ooo pretty

         Got my Christmas cards sent out, along with my new address.  Didn’t expect many, but I did get some cards back from family (check a future post on one of my favorites) and a few long lost friends.

          I’m not a huge bleeding heart on Christmas music, but it did help to find the Christmas CDs I was able to steal liberate rightfully take from the old home.  I picked out a couple of jazzy CDs (“Cool Yule I” and “II”).  Got me a bit more in the holiday spirit.

          Had a couple friends pass along some Christmas decorations, ornaments, and (yum!) goody treats.  My most favorite of those and the first on “Baby’s First Christmas Tree”?  Dear Friend brought me this to commemorate my ‘escape’ and starting new ventures in life –

          And the topper?  Despite the opening sentences, this Christmas was not spent ‘by myself’.  Daughter Person spent most of Christmas day with me.  The Spouse had her sister in town to keep her company, so Girl Child thought it would be good to hang out with me.  We exchanged gifts, ate way too much candy and cookies, watched some movies, played some games, listened to music, and just chilled together. 

awww baby's first christmas

awww baby's first christmas


So, I hereby declare “Baby’s First Christmas” as a success in my road to a new life.  And I’m looking forward to future “Baby’s First . . . “ events in that new life.

And here’s hoping that your holidays were as satisfying to you and yours – – –



Priestly Pranks

December 29, 2008

…no, not “that” kind.  The Church is still paying through the nose for all of “those” kinds of pranks played by its priests.

Girl Child is home from University and spreading her time between her mother, me, and her friends (as well as the occasional odd job to earn cash to support her world wandering habits).  She shared a story from a dinner visit to one of her friends. 

Now, Girl Child is a vegetarian.  Not a militant vegetarian, but she’ll avoid any ‘beastly’ products that she can.  She was visiting one of her Irish dance buddies and was invited to stay for dinner.  They knew of her veggie tendencies, with her friend’s younger brother teasing her about being a vegetarian being “just wrong”.  Also at the dinner was the priest that recently married Daughter Person’s friend.  Unsurprisingly, the priest was asked to say “Grace” before the meal.  As Girl Child described it – – –

“Dear Lord, thank you for us being able to gather together here.  Thank you for the friendship of those around this table.  Oh, and especially thank you for providing us with animals.  Thank you for the cow, from whom we get tasty beef.  Thank you for the pig and his bacon, pork, and ribs, juicy and succulent.  Thank you for the deer, the chicken, and other manners of animals from whom we get delicious meat products that we may enjoy at our mealtimes.  Amen!”

Who said priests don’t have a sense of humor

t-shirt friday 26.12.2008

December 26, 2008

Taking a cue from the delectable Nursemyra and the delicious Daisyfae, I decided to join in on T-shirt Friday.  Nursemyra has, in the past, had an open invitation.  Yeah, mostly the lady folk join in, but i do recall a few men playing as well.  I just felt the need to do something new…

So, a happy T-Shirt Friday to all of you.  I got this shirt on a trip to Glacier National Park some 10 years ago.  It tickled me then and I still get a kick out of it.

Moose Laundry

Moose Laundry

Happy Holidays

December 25, 2008


i truly wish you all, my seemingly imaginary, yet real to me,  interweb friends who are a real blessing to me through these trying times, a happy holiday. 

may you find peace and happiness.

Sushi Laser Skating

December 23, 2008

Well, the subject line is really three parts of an evening, but it sounds fun so I left it like that.

Spent a delightfully delicious evening with Dear Friend this Saturday.  A chance to get out and spend time not thinking about unpacking boxes (yes, still and slowly), work idiots (unless there’s a humorous story to be told…which there were), or other ugly stuff like divorce.  Just some relaxing (and, at times, exhilarating) moments together.

On Dear Friend’s recommendation and my hearty endorsement, we went to a downtown restaurant that serves Thai food… and one of our favorites – – raw bait sushi!   A bottle of whine wine, a yummy appetizer, and then a decision on what to eat. 

Liking variety…and quantity…in our sushi, and enjoying sharing with each other, we settled on the Sushi Armada!  If you’ve not been to a sushi bar, one of the key elements of preparing sushi is the presentation.  Sometimes, with especially good sushi chefs, it gets downright artistic.  One serving option, when there are multiple people wanting to share, is the sushi boat.  Knowing our limits, we did stick with the sushi boat for 2, although the boat for 4 and 8 looked pretty damned tempting.

the sushi armada arrives

the sushi armada arrives

Knowing our limits, we did stick with the sushi boat for 2, although the boat for 4 and 8 looked pretty damned tempting.

Afterwards, we went to a local outdoor park to ice skate.  Small-ish as ice skating rinks go, but for an outside venue, it was pretty nice.

honest - there were people there that night

honest - there were people there that night



No, I’m not an ice skater.  The last time I was on skates was some 20-plus years ago.  Dear Friend was similarly skilled, but had only been on hiatus from skating for a mere 15 or so years.  But, neither of us want to watch the world go by just sitting on a couch.  We need to participate in life, even if there’s a chance it will be painful (you did know that ice is awfully damn hard if you fall on it, yes?).  But, even with the firm dedication to skate, fears grew as to our abilities to stay upright on the ice and not break anything… well, anything crucial.

While we were lacing up our rented skates, the management cleared the rink so they could Zamboni it (can that be used as a verb?) and have a laser light show.  The lights went down and the time honored, dulcet tones of Mannheim Steamroller Christmas tunes echoed out over the speaker system, accompanied by a display of multi-colored laser pageantry.  The music?  A bit overdone.  The lasers?  Not too creatively matched to the music.  But the combination of the two, along with a shared moment with Dear Friend, made it wonderful.  Even better was that, just as we got there, it started to snow lightly.  What was really cool about that (pun not intended, but go wild with it if you want) – and I wished I had my camera – was the effect the snowflakes had as they drifted through the laser beams.  The flakes would sparkle and flare as the lights reflected off each crystalline arm.  A fireworks show in microcosm. 

We didn’t want it to end…

…mostly because that would mean we’d have to ‘put up or shut up’ and actually ice skate. 

Looking a bit like geriatric hip replacement patients, we shuffled along to the entry to the rink.  Stepping out onto the ice, we immediately grabbed the railing next to us, knocking small children and the aged aside in our desire to stay upright while perched on a thin piece of metal on both feet.  Once, twice, thrice around the thankfully small rink, all the while hanging on for dear life.  Then, part way through the third go ‘round, we dared to let go of the railing and skated on our own… small children, snails, and sloths passing us by.  Surviving a turn like that, we both heartily agreed it was time for a hot chocolate break!

By this time, the snow was turning to sleet making the walk over to the concession stand seem more dangerous than the ice rink itself.  But we made it and had a wonderfully tasty and hot cup of cocoa (and, no, I won’t mention the fact that Dear Friend totally forgot to bring the flask of Bailey’s she’d promised to bring along… nope, won’t mention how much smoother that hot chocolate would have tasted… how much more it would have warmed our bellies in the cold sleet… nope, just won’t mention that at all!  I’m too nice a guy….).

Back out to the ice again and another 8 or so spins around the rink, our confidence and abilities bolstered by staying vertical.  A quick break to sit in front of a fire pit the park had going, then back out for a third time on the ice. 

We could tell it was time to quit as both of us had near spills, primarily from leg muscles (still sore today) giving up their heroic efforts to keep us upright.  Well, that coupled with the sight of blood on the ice… looked like a hockey game had been held there. 

Back to Dear Friend’s home, where we made our own cocoa…yes, with the Bailey’s this time…and commiseration on a wonderful evening and a promise to keep participating together in what life has to offer…. Snow skiing may be next.

All in all, a wondrously fun evening.

…and, amazingly, neither of us fell on the ice that evening… 

Song Lyric Thursday

December 19, 2008

I’ve not played along with Song Lyric Thursdays, though have enjoyed reading such on, for example, Rob’s and Uncle Keith’s blogs.  Neither do I automatically do all memes or tags, though will get tickled by the occasional one that I will play along. 

But, after a recent night out and given the season and all, I feel compelled to join in for this Song Lyric Thursday.

Invited by my good theater friend, DK, to another benefit, I got to see the Rubi Girls again.  Having seen them at Masquerage, I was expecting a similar show.  What I didn’t know was that, because of all the other stuff going on, they had to severely limit the time and content of the show at Masquerage. 

This. Was. A. Hoot.

They performed for almost 3 hours straight.  They don’t just lip-synch to women’s songs, but rather play act as well.  Results are intended to be, and are, great fun.  One song in particular had tears of laughter rolling down my face.

So, in honor of the holiday season, may I present my first offering to Song Lyric Thursday.  The song this is satirizing is titled Santa Baby and has been sung seductively by the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, and the Pussycat Dolls.  Someone decided it was time to do a parody.  It is not remotely politically correct on numerous levels, but that was intended as part of this mockery, so consider that before feeling offended  – – –

Santa’s Baby

(Jackie Beat)


Santa’s baby, is growing here inside of me now.
Like wow!
I’m gonna be the mother of, Santa’s baby.
He put it in me Christmas Eve night!
Santa’s baby, is growing here inside of my gut.
This slut.
Got drunk and now she’s pregnant with, Santa’s baby.
A bastard child, but at least it’s white!

“What? We can’t say that? Oh, well, we’ll cut it out!”

Oh, when I heard that: “Ho, ho, ho!”.
I spread my legs beneath the mistletoe.
Then, Santa had his way with me.
Even though I was screaming: “No, no no!”.

Hey, wait a minute.
Santa raped me!
He took advantage of a young girl!
The world, has got to know the ugly truth.
How, Santa raped me, even though I tried to put up a fight.

“And, don’t you for second say I was asking for it, because I was wearing a mini-skirt and a tube top!”

Santa’s baby, will make it hard to ever erase.
That face, all fat and jolly, sweatin’ on me!
Santa’s baby is gonna wreck my life at my thighs!
Too late.

Santa’s baby, is growing like a cancer. I fear, right here!
It’s gonna look just like him.
Somebody take me. And get this baby outta my sight!

“Do you have 50 bucks I could borrow? No?”

I got excited, I couldn’t wait.
The moment my monthly curse was late.
Now, it’s a gift I’ll never regret.
It’s worse than late fruit cake, ’cause it’s date rape!

Santa’s baby, he came down the chimney.
Then, came in me.
I’d make a lousy single mom, so.
Santa’s baby, is gonna get aborted tonight!
But, thanks to the conservative right.
I’ve got to say I was raped that night.

Thank you!