The Pets

I like animals and have had pets most of my life, mostly cats.

Fish are okay, if a bit boring. But, they do make do in a pinch if the pizza shows up without anchovies.

Birds? I’d be afraid of what words they’d end up repeating at an inopportune time… say, if I’m with Sally and the bird starts hollering, “Yes, Betty. Oh, gawd, yes!”

I like dogs a lot, but never really learned how to train them up.

I do miss not having a slobbering, devoted beast looking up at me with adoring eyes… but enough about my ex-girlfriend.

Cats? Yeah, they do whatever the hell they damn well please and don’t show a hint of devotion to you. But cats can be litter trained easily. And a weekend trip does not require boarding your cat. With a dog, you have to send him to doggie jail at Bowwow-catraz. With a cat? Slam a bag of dry cat food in a bowl, put down enough water to last the weekend, and leave. Cats likely like to have the place to themselves anyway – – – dipping into their secret stash of catnip, browsing kitty porn sites, climbing up on the places they’re not usually allowed, calling their cat buddies over to play “hide the mousie” and other disturbing things best not shared in such a public forum.

I have two cats. Well, I guess they could be two mute, cantankerous little people in furry suits, but nonetheless…

The Diva, the female calico, is the queen of the house. All others residing there are merely servants to do her bidding and attend to her needs. Her favorite way to show you who’s in charge is to come up to you and demand to be petted. But, as soon as you lean down to pet her, she’ll walk away to another part of the room and look back at you with that “Well? Are you coming?” look. And, of course, if you do follow, she’ll repeat the process until, after three or four moves, she’s moved you to the spot she wanted in the first place.* The Diva also has very expressive meows. Girl Child’s and my favorite are the ones that sound like “Now!” and “Not Now!”, both seemingly used at the most appropriate moments.

The Twit, a male orange tabby, is the court jester of the home. Besides torturing The Diva (which always draws a swat in rebuke), his favorite thing to do is just get into wherever he’s not supposed to be or wanted (most often, for me, right in front of the computer monitor as I’m trying to type or just as I get to that critical part of a computer game that demands my full attention). The Twit is also noted for laying on the back of the couch and, all of a sudden and for no apparent reason, splaying all four legs out and sinking all four sets of claws in the couch. Girl Child comments when this happens, “Oh dear, The Twit’s world has gone off kilter again. He’s holding on for dear life.”

Ahh, but with both of them, when they’re snuggled with you and purring… my heart rate slows, my blood pressure drops, and there is, for the moment, peace…

…wonder who’ll get the cats in the Divorce…

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*I’ve known some women who are like this as well…

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9 Responses to “The Pets”

  1. nursemyra Says:

    ha! my ex got the cat and I got the kids. but 8 years later I got the cat back. very amicably too.

  2. daisyfae Says:

    we split the dogs. no, not literally. he got the small, yappy diva and i got the droolin’ machine… a fair trade. we actually joked about putting mandatory custody for the slobbery one in the agreement… trying to pass him off to each other!

  3. Parenthesis Says:

    The Twit sounds like my kind of cat 🙂 I have a silver tabby, named Babe. He’s 14 years old, lord of the manor, king of the castle, and usually in the chair closest to the heater, or hogging the patch of sun on my bed. He doesn’t go off kilter per se. Rather he gets this really evil look on his face and then proceeds to bounce off the furniture and walls. It usually involves a circuit of one or more rooms. Then just as suddenly he’ll stop and sit down, or collapse in a heap and start cleaning his paws. He even did a flick-flack once. I call it the joys of spring 😉 And got to agree with you on the house training front – with cats, there isn’t any 🙂 Sue for the cats!

  4. Parenthesis Says:

    And he’s a talker. And a squeaker. And cheeky, if he’s annoyed with you, he’ll literally stalk off and sit with his back to you, as if to say, “There! Take that!”. I heart Babe 🙂

  5. azahar Says:

    Aren’t cats the best? Though I’m not sure about them not showing “a hint of devotion to you”.

    My Burman/Siamese boy is actually a dog, and he is almost slavishly devoted to me. My black gypsy street rescue cat (who is also my avatar – caught him one day ordering smoked salmon on Nog’s computer) is a total cat and manipulates everyone around him. He’s very devious.

    I like the balance between the two. I also like that they can both humble me, unlike any human is able to do.

  6. silverstar98121 Says:

    I’ve had them both, and birds, but prefer dogs. I tend to be more allergic to cats, so wouldn’t take one on now. But I love it when dogs lean against you and look at you with those sad eyes. And are always glad to see you. Cats, no so much. But take what you can get.

  7. The Unbearable Banishment Says:

    I had two cats for 14 years. They outlived every girlfriend I ever had. The women would come and go but those cats were always there. Met my wife. We got engaged. The cats died. Coincidence?

  8. thegnukid Says:

    nursemyra – did you get visitation rights while the cat was with the ex-? and have to reciprocate when you got the cat?

    daisyfae – ahhh, the King Solomon approach. has a certain appeal to it. maybe i can offer them up as compensation instead of alimony…

    parenthesis – yep, the eccentricities of pets… hmmm… i’ve often heard, as well, that pets mirror their owners. what does that say for the both of us?

    p again – [laughin’] yes! The Diva does the same: “I do not deign to associate myself with you at this time as you have perturbed me grandly!”

    azahar – each kind of pet has their benefits and issues. i really do like the slobbery affection dogs offer.

    silverstar – lock The Wife, the dog, and the cat in the car trunk for two hours. which one will be happy to see you when you open the trunk? i’m laying money it’s the dog…

    t.u.b. – i’d check Your Wife out for signs of being a witch and burn her (with apologies to my pagan blog friend… you know who you are)

  9. Parenthesis Says:

    I think it says we are damn interesting people 😆

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