Shots Across The Bows

Well, The Wife and my quest to ensure our lawyers can buy their new BMWs continues.  Paperwork is flying back and forth, each sheet with a not-so-nominal price tag associated. I found out I get charged a minimum of 6 minutes for each e-mail and phone call, even if it really takes 30 seconds.

I was notified that, despite The Wife and I still living at home, I have to pay temporary alimony.  Huh?  Confused I am.  Even more confusing is that the order, officially official and signed by the judge, said that that alimony can be in the form of the mortgage and utilities I already pay.  Plus, there’s a specific clause in the letter saying the enforcement agency (the folks who make sure alimony is actually paid) is not actually bound by the letter, so don’t have to enforce my paying it.  Huh? again.

But, not to be outdone, my lawyer sent The Wife a 40 question package requesting all sorts of information in great levels of detail.  For example, being we’re at the edge of the frontier of Ohio, there’s also a question in there asking, “Do you own any livestock?  List in detail.”

But, the shots across the bow seem to be working… When The Wife saw the detailed list of questions, she asked me, “Can’t we just sit down and negotiate something so we don’t have to do all this paperwork?”

Yes!  A glimmer of hope!

So The Wife and I will sit down this weekend and walk through the finances to see if we can’t come up with an agreement.

Poor lawyers will have to settle for used Hyundais…

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19 Responses to “Shots Across The Bows”

  1. daisyfae Says:

    Glimmer of hope? from your description, it seems the lawyers are playing a game of tennis – bored, routine, back-and-forth, we’ve-done-this-too-many-times tennis. Sad that it’s all necessary… But good that you’ve got glimmer!

  2. Stephanie of Stopbouncing Says:

    Ohhhhh, how potentially exciting! silly lawyers and their outrageous fees… Alimony is Baloney.

  3. kyknoord Says:

    There’s a T-shirt in there somewhere: “My wife’s lawyer drives a Hyundai” (and on the back: “Mwahahahaha!”)

  4. nursemyra Says:

    get it printed up and you can join the girls on t-shirt friday 🙂

  5. Dolce Says:

    @ Nurse M > excellent idea!

    And Gnu…here’s to an outcome of reason. And more glimmers.

  6. The Unbearable Banishment Says:

    Well, the lawyers aren’t going to this one bit. I guarantee they will BOTH try to talk you out of negotiating.

    This whole storyline is freaking me out. If I ever have to go through something this, I’m not sure how I’d navigate it. Shudder.

  7. Parenthesis Says:

    nursemyra: hmm, yes, what happened to banana hammock Friday?

  8. silverstar98121 Says:

    Here’s hoping you can negotiate your way out. It really is much easier that way. List all your livestock indeed.

  9. thegnukid Says:

    daisyfae – do lawyers even have souls? but i’m counting on the glimmer to become a shining light nonetheless

    silverstar – yep, lawyer leeches… i don’t begrudge her a living, since she’s unemployable… but don’t like the idea of her living better than me when i’m working. selfish? maybe… but that’s my gut feel…

    kyknoord – i’m still going to push The Wife to try and make it a Yugo or even a moped, but won’t hold much hope for that…

    nursemyra – i’m there… i’ve got a month to make it happen. well, amidst finding a house, losing a spouse, not being a louse, or acting like a mouse…

    dolce – thanks, ja! i’m counting on more than just glimmers. i’ll be eloquent and convincing.

    unbearable – just like kids, there’s really no instruction manual on how to do a divorce. one of the reasons i’m putting this all out there is for me to purge my soul… but i hope it can help folks too…

    parenthesis – i suggested that a while back, but got a rousing silence from the boy crew… i’ve got my “stuffing sock” all ready for my hammock

    silverstar – “Two Cats, milked every day”… do i have to list the lice and crabs (nah, just kidding…). thanks for the good wishes…

  10. Rob Says:

    “Two Cats, milked every day”

    That reminds of that scene from City Slickers 2, near the opening where Jon Lovitz comes into the living room:

    Billy Crystal: What have you been doing?
    Jon Lovitz: Milking the cow.
    Billy Crystal: The cow’s name is “Norman”.
    Jon Lovitz: I’ll go wash up now.


    Sorry about the lawyer gig; they don’t call them land sharks for nothing you know. Hopefully you and the wife can sort this all out amicably amidst a minimum of legal fees.

  11. anniegirl1138 Says:

    sounds promising. hope things go well.

  12. beaverboosh Says:

    RE: Kyk: There’s a T-shirt in there somewhere: “My wife’s lawyer is a CUNT” (and on the back: “All lawyers are CUNTS”)

  13. thegnukid Says:

    Rob – oh yeah… i remember that one… a classic! thanks for making me remember with a smile

    annie – i’m hopeful… and it’s been quite awhile since i’ve had that feeling… cross fingers for me…

    bb – oh, we could go on all night with the lawyer jokes… my preference is to have no reminders of them, even in the form of a t-shirt…

  14. Parenthesis Says:

    I came across this while trawling the hinterweb.
    Clever concept – for a, what did BB call them again 😉

  15. thegnukid Says:

    P – [laughin’] “His and Hers” Divorce attorney? good find, dear.

  16. Parenthesis Says:

    Oh dear. MD is going to be hopping mad. I snuck on while he was out of the room. Didn’t realise he was logged on to WordPress. Hee hee. Please delete previous comment, he’s going to be awfully miffed. People might draw conclusions about his sexuality. It’s me who wants to see your sock, not him 🙂 *blush*

  17. thegnukid Says:

    P – [laughin’ more…] done and done, dear. actually, i’ve done the same thing, though was able to catch and fix it a bit quicker. and, by the by, you are most welcome to see my sock!

  18. Parenthesis Says:

    Thank you my dear 🙂

  19. thegnukid Says:

    P – we’ll discuss ‘payment’ later… ;->

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