I’m a tired puppy. One of my roles in my job, which I’m currently deep in the midst of, is to be a facilitator for project teams coming in for assistance. For those who don’t know what a facilitator does, they are a combination meeting lead, mediator, consultant, and twit.

As a meeting lead, I’m in charge of keeping the team on track to both the schedule and to the meeting objective. Sort of like herding cats, you’re always on the move to pull folks back to the topic at hand and moving them along so they don’t get chatty.

As a mediator, I have to keep an eye on each of the team members. I have to make sure those that have something to say get a chance to do so, while quieting those who don’t have a damn thing to say but like hearing their own voice. Figuring out which is which is not always an easy task.

As a consultant, I have to have some level of expertise in the topic under discussion so I can provide my glaringly amazing input to quickly knock down roadblocks, solve world hunger, and otherwise be the answer guy to any questions. Needless to say… well, okay, not so needless since most of you don’t know me from Adam… much of this part of the job involves me exercising my acting skills and downright pretending to know what the hell I’m doing.

And, finally, my favorite part of this role is “The Twit”, for which I’m uniquely predisposed to play. I get to be nasty and rude, all in the name of accomplishing the other three facilitator roles already mentioned. I can tell people to shut up without feeling guilty. I can sidetrack inane conversations by telling people, “That’s not important right now” while sneaking in my own irrelevant story. I can declare victory in the face of utter defeat just by saying so. Somehow it all works out.

Wearing so many hats and dealing with so many people is draining on me. Still not sleeping that well, it becomes extra tiring. But, I can’t let a little thing like getting a Divorce get in the way of keeping the job which will be funding The Wife’s alimony (ooo, did I just sound a wee bit bitter there?). But, still, dealing with and controlling 5 – 20 distinct personalities, many of them Type A asses who demand their moment of glory, is very tiring.  Especially today when I thought for a bit that two of them would come to fisticuffs arguing over some petty little problem… 

I believe I will take on a facilitator role for myself here in this blog, tell myself to shut up, declare victory, and head to bed.

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14 Responses to “Facilitator”

  1. daisyfae Says:

    are they hiring down your way? i’ve got an advanced degree in “twitology”, and my favorite hobby is whacking dorks with the STFU Stick of Justice!

  2. Rob Says:

    Weeeeelllllllllll….the good news is that the weekend’s coming! And it’s a looooooooong one, too (especially long for me as I’m taking Friday off!)

    Ha HAA!

    Seriously, get some rest gnukid. The main thing is to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

  3. silverstar98121 Says:

    Yeah, it’s like putting toothpaste back in the tube sometimes. I feel for you. Remember that this, too, shall pass. Someday you may miss it. Yeah, right.

  4. kyknoord Says:

    If you can’t let a little thing like divorce get in the way, then UR DOIN IT RONG.

  5. The Unbearable Banishment Says:

    You have just described a position for which I am grossly under qualified. I am a graphic designer by trade and love nothing more than to crawl inside my own head, attend to the project at hand and hope that everybody just leaves me the fuck alone until I’ve finished.

    I am the anti-facilitator

  6. Stephanie of Stopbouncing Says:

    Thank goodness for the long weekend, eh?!

    You’re not in contention for “The Upper-Class Twit of the Year” are you? Because believe you me, getting the bra off is the hardest part.

    Wanna trade jobs?

  7. Dolce Says:

    I like that! Can I just facilitate myself home now? I think I can! You rock, Gnu man.

  8. leavingevangeline Says:

    Poor Gnu! I feel for you…losing sleep is sucky.

    Your job does sound fun though…I would like an outlet for my many personalities…I never get to be the “shut up” girl…but she’s in there by golly!

    Please tell your personality #17 that my personality #4 (Gigi) says hello.


  9. thegnukid Says:

    daisyfae – hmmm… you sound overqualified for my office. perhaps you should just continue to invoke the STFU stick on the technodweebs in your office.

    rob – rest is coming. love this 3-day weekend celebrating labor in the US by giving us a holiday… hmmm…

    silverstar – if you EVER catch me missing it, please smack me upside the head… and then remind me that i asked you to do so.

    kyknoord – lolcatz echo my life philosophy… FAIL… must learn to do it right

    unbearable – too funny… so if we ever met and tried to shake hands the universe as we know it would implode in a blinding flash of mediation.

    stephanie – i’m just your run-of-the-mill twit. but i do know how to unhook a bra with one hand! can’t put that on my resume, but it still makes me smile. you keep your job… i’ll drink heavily and live with mine.

    dolce – i think that would be a grand idea… then please facilitate yourself a drink, a hot bath, candles, and a massage of your choice by LB!

    leavingevangeline – actually, after the second day, being the “shut up” guy becomes oh-so-much easier. oh, and my personality #17 wants Gigi’s phone number! or at least some provocative pictures…

  10. leavingevangeline Says:

    I believe 17 and Gigi have already hooked up. Heh. Too bad we weren’t there!

  11. thegnukid Says:

    leavingevangeline – dang… would’ve liked to have been there… maybe we can arrange other personalities to hook up?

  12. Dolce Says:

    LB? You hear that? I get a massage! Good. (Ta Gnu!)

  13. leavingevangeline Says:

    Personality orgy?

  14. thegnukid Says:

    dolce – Ta!

    leavingevangeline – i’m in… so am i… me too!… count me in… yep, i’m there… totally… me too… i’m there….

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