Mal Mots

Working in an office environment, you have ample opportunity for interaction with co-workers.  If you’re not a boss with a private office, you’re also likely—like me—to be sharing an office full of cubicles with those co-workers.  This leads to ample opportunity to overhear intended and not-so-intended quips.  Our office has taken to putting up a ‘quotable quotes’ board for this repartee.  Thought I’d share a few—


  I want to get some of those soundless headphones…



  Hey! Come out and look at my schnauzer!

       [I don’t know if she meant it as a euphemism…but, with her, I wasn’t going to take the chance] 


  Oh, shit…who did I send it too?

       [Usually heard right after the sound of a mouse click.  I have to admit I’ve done this with e-mail as well…but this seemed to be a daily occurrence for this lady]


  I can’t cut the mustard anymore.  Hell, I can barely butter the bun!

       [There’s a certain poetry to this one.]


  Where’s Room 101? 

       [This one was said by a lady who had an office in…wait for it…Room 101]   


  …about 10 miles as the fly crows…

       [Can one actually hear a fly crow?] 


  He who laughs lest lifts lofts…luff . . .ummm…

       [Poor lady tried her best to get this one out…and failed] 


  GnuKid has good things attached to his pants.

       [Yes, a lady said this.  No, I’ll neither deny nor explain… {grin}] 


  We’re working glove in hand with them…

      [What, so you can challenge them to duels?] 


And finally—


  L:  How come I’m just getting Thursday’s e-mails?

   Office (in unison):  Because it IS Thursday…

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10 Responses to “Mal Mots”

  1. silverstar98121 Says:

    Gnukid has a new Leatherman? Those are the kind of good things I like to see attached to a man’s pants.

    I actually once had an email take a month to get to me. It would have been much faster by Pony Express, as the sender was local. Good thing she called me to tell me what she wanted, just in case.

  2. nursemyra Says:

    I must confess I once said “as rare as hen’s eggs” when I meant “hen’s teeth”

    don’t think I was even slightly drunk at the time

  3. Dolce Says:


    And my all time fav:

    My boss: And then he had me over the table

    Me: Que? [raised eyebrow]

  4. kyknoord Says:

    Could you forward those attachments to me, please?

  5. thegnukid Says:

    silverstar – Ahh, you like the handyman type. But i’m still not saying what it was.

    nursemyra – [laughin’] That one would definitely go on the board. Maybe we’ll get drunk together sometime and see what other slips of the tongue occur. [wink]

    dolce – Over the table, under the table, you can have me any way you want

    kyknoord – I’ll send them when…and I still don’t know why…I send you this check for a large sum of money

  6. daisyfae Says:

    we had a similar board – back in the old times when we wrote on chalk boards. my favorite? “I don’t like my nuts wrinkled…”

  7. nursemyra Says:

    oh one or two wrinkles never hurt anybody 🙂

  8. silverstar98121 Says:

    Gnukid, yes I definitely like the handyman type. The Boyo is a carpenter by trade.

    And I agree with Nurse Myra, one or two wrinkles never hurt anybody.

  9. Mandy de Waal Says:

    Ahahahaha! Took me back to my first boss who was complaining to the company garage caretaker about what a poor state my company car was in. She says to the guy: “You know, if Mandy dies we’ll be libel.” Me: “Cripes. What about me?” Her: “Hmmmm. Oh yes. You’ll be dead.”

    Nice one!

  10. thegnukid Says:

    daisyfae – every man must accept at some point in his life that they will be wrinkled…the key is finding someone to help plump them again

    nursemyra – it’s not the “one or two”…it’s the thirteen or fourteen…

    silverstar – you should be a happy lady then… Okay, now we’re getting to some wrinkle consensus

    Mandy – Welcome, welcome to the Wilds. Glad you’ve come to ride the range with me. [laughin’] Sounds like a very ‘caring’ boss. Great story.

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