The Gift

Many years ago, when The Boy was about 3 years old, some friends came to visit.


Being good and thoughtful guests (I’m not sure I’d qualify, but they sure did), they brought a small gift for The Boy.  Their 3 year old daughter came along on the visit as well.  To be safe, avoiding the high potential for jealousy over the gift, the guests brought one for her as well.*


The wife of my guests was a very anal retentive and bitchy fastidious and deliberate woman and it was she who wrapped the presents.  Now, she used some colorful, if heavy duty, mylar wrapping paper… likely the same kind of stuff used to coat the protective shields of the space shuttle.  She secured every seam of the present with about a furlong of industrial grade tape… the kind with adhesive strong enough to make a barnacle envious.


She didn’t do this to achieve the results we got, but, oh…my…


Anyone who has seen a kid… or been one**… knows the unbridled avarice and pleasure a child has in getting a gift.  The kids energetically*** attacked the presents… and continued their assault… and still for a full minute more they pitched into opening the presents, getting almost gymnastic in their gyrations to open the packages.  But, still no visible breach in the wrapping was in sight.


Now, normal parents**** would at this juncture leap in to help their offspring open the stubborn package.  Not so, us.  We were all disabled by paroxysms of laughter, tears of mirth streaming freely down our cheeks.


The kids, mindful of and not the least dissuaded by our merriment, continued to rip into the gifts.  They rolled and grunted, looking like monkeys trying to open a bowling ball. 


Finally, the girl’s Mom took pity.  Using her fingernails*****, she deftly unsealed the adhesive tape on one end of each gift.  The kids made short work of retrieving the prize inside and toddled off to enjoy, blissfully unaware of their contribution to our joy.



*In retrospect, it was a brilliant move due to the unintended result of helping the kids bond while playing with their new toys.  This also kept them happy campers, allowing parental units to focus on catching up instead of amusing the kiddles.

**Show of hands, please?… Wow!… that’s a lot!

***Would that scientists learn to bottle such energy…we could run cars for miles on one bottle. 

****Show of hands on this, too, please?… Hmmm…not too many…

*****Sharpened to the point of lethality and bringing to mind a chapter in The Other Side Of The Mountain

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6 Responses to “The Gift”

  1. silverstar98121 Says:

    Goodness, I didn’t think there was any kind of gift wrapping a child couldn’t get into. Especially if they weren’t supposed to. Hmm, that reminds me of another story for my blog. But it will have to wait until Christmas.

  2. kyknoord Says:

    That reminds me, my ex-wife has a birthday coming up…

  3. thegnukid Says:

    silverstar – will wait patiently for that blog

    kyknoord – you’re evil, just plain evil…but in a good way! And i can’t wait to hear the screams of frustration

  4. daisyfae Says:

    damn. i missed an opportunity to torment my sprouts… could have wrapped small pieces of candy in duct tape and saved a lot of money, too!

  5. The Boy’s Cookie « The Wilds of Ohio Says:

    […] is likely becoming readily apparent to some of you, based on this and prior posts, that one of the primary reasons for having kids—besides the outright fun of having lots of sex […]

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