Playing with (Fire) Words

A couple posts ago, I referred to a brewing cat fight in the office and felt a good picture would help the story.  I happened upon the following tutorial on how to stop a cat fight and was immediately intrigued and humored by how well the story fit if we replaced “cat” with “woman”.  I realize I’m opening myself up to rebuttal and reprisal from the ladies on the blog, but am willing to take that chance – – –

And men?  I’m thinking there are quite a few helpful hints in here for us. 

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CAT WOMAN FIGHT

If you have a multi cat woman household or your outdoor cats women hang out with other cats women, chances are you will encounter cat woman play. Cat Woman play usually involves chasing, swatting, hissing and nipping.

To a human though, cat woman play can often look rough, so how can you tell the difference?

First off if you know that the two cats women in question have never been friendly to each other then chances are what you are witnessing is fighting.

If you are unsure if the cats women are playing or fighting rely on your ears and eyes.

Screaming is a sure sign that the cats women are fighting. One cat woman being overly dominant is another sign of fighting, usually in cat woman play the roles shift.

Hissing a few times from either cat woman is normal but continued hissing suggests a cat woman fight is underway or about to get underway.

Finally and perhaps most importantly in cat woman play, except for accidents, neither of the two cats women gets hurt.

The best way to separate fighting cats women is through distraction. Making a loud noise or drop something heavy on the floor.

That will usually startle the cats women and send them running in opposite directions.

Shaking a can of food treats (if they are used to that sound) [Ed. Note:  Chocolates?] is another great distraction that will stop the fighting.

Remember cat woman play like any type of animal play is normal and you shouldn’t get involved.

Cat Woman fighting is also fairly common but due to the potential that your cat woman may get harmed or injured, you should try to stop it through distraction.

Do not actually try to physically remove one cat woman from another or you too may get harmed.

 

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11 Responses to “Playing with (Fire) Words”

  1. silverstar98121 Says:

    I will probably be drummed out of the corp, but I think it’s pretty accurate. Maybe there is a reason they call them cat fights.

  2. silverstar98121 Says:

    Oh, and treats? Try dangling pretty things like diamonds.

  3. nursemyra Says:

    how about showing them an erection for distraction? maybe with some mesh armour for safety while the the claws are out

  4. Rob Says:

    Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh…..no. I got nothing.

    @nm: an erection in chain mail? Hmmm. Well it is a little ways until Hallowe’en, but that has the makings of a great costume.

  5. anniegirl1138 Says:

    Most women are too clever to need to resort to physical fighting, but I will say that as a teacher I would step in between two boys fighting without thinking but two girls? Crowd control only.

  6. daisyfae Says:

    i’m easily distracted by either chocolate or erections. or shiny things, blinking lights and alcohol. loud noises? notsomuch…

  7. thegnukid Says:

    silverstar – Women have a “corps”? Sheesh, you’re better organized than I thought.

    nursemyra – Yeah, that “claws” thing would require plate armor, not mesh…but I’m all for showing my erection if it would help

    rob – I’m sure the ladies would love to see pictures when the costume is done

    annie – Yes, you don’t often resort to physical violence…but that emotional violence is vicious. Meow!

    daisyfae – now, would a chocolate-covered erection work even better? I think I can easily arrange that…

  8. daisyfae Says:

    dipping ones member in molten chocolate is a noble gesture – just make damn sure it’s sufficiently cooled. a trip to the emergency room would indeed be a distraction, but not a good one!

  9. nursemyra Says:

    sound advice daisyfae 🙂

  10. Rob Says:

    From Wikipedia:

    Chocolate is regularily eaten for pleasure. Besides, there are many potential beneficial effects on health of eating chocolate. Cocoa or dark chocolate benefits the circulatory system.

    Other beneficial effects are suggested, such as anticancer, brain stimulator, cough preventor and antidiarrhoeal effects. An aphrodisiac effect is yet unproven.

    On the other hand, eating large quantities of any chocolate increases risk of obesity. There is concern of mild lead poisoning for some types of chocolate. Chocolate is toxic to many animals because of insufficient capacity to metabolize theobromine.

    Pleasure of consuming

    Part of the pleasure of eating chocolate is due to the fact that its melting point is slightly below human body temperature: it melts in the mouth. A study reported by the BBC indicated that melting chocolate in one’s mouth produced an increase in brain activity and heart rate that was more intense than that associated with passionate kissing, and also lasted four times as long after the activity had ended.

    What do I conclude from this?

    1) the original suggestion of a chocolate covered erection is valid BUT
    2) the advice to ensure the melted chocolate’s temperature is below that which would cause burns is also valid
    3) don’t let your dog near said chocolate covered erection
    4) otherwise, enjoy!

    🙂

  11. thegnukid Says:

    Rob – Thanks for the tutorial…confirming what we suspected scientifically. And I’m going with conclusion #4 as much as possible!

    daisyfae and nursemyra – well, you COULD kiss it and make it feel better…I think we’d both enjoy it

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